"Christian"

For ten years I played christian. Sure there was moments where my relationship with God was steady, but it was just that.... moments! Oh but let me tell you, I had it all together on the outside and unless you were super close to me (only a few were I wasn't hyped on letting people into my life) you would think I was a model christian girl. I was born into the church, one that grew pretty much as fast as I did. I appeared in every church play and I knew every worship song there is. I spent more time at church then my home and knew every person in the church body. I could say the books of the bible in under one minute and I had memorized a wealth of scripture. I could tell you some of the most influential Bible stories without even looking at the Bible. I knew the importance of reading the Bible and prayer and I really did try to do it. I had accepted Jesus into my heart at the age of four and was baptized days before my fifth birthday. It was all my choice, my parents never forced me into anything. But it wasn't until I started Jr high that I begun a small state of rebellion and realized there was something seriously missing in my life. See, I thought I had it all together I had fooled even myself. None of those things mattered anymore if the one vital part of Christianity was missing. So i did some major soul searching when I started Jr. High. Unfortunately, my "soul searching" landed me in the middle of a whirl of worldly things. Every time I tried something new I came up empty. I am not going to tell you my testimony again, I think I have done a pretty good job of that. But this is where my story gets to it's craziest and where it seriously hurts me as a person. I am a church leaders daughter. Sometimes I joke and say that I am the next best thing to a Pastors kid. So naturally people expect me to be perfect, okay so maybe not perfect but they expect the best out of me. And to be honest for a good couple years, I did a fantastic job of hiding it. Then things got difficult and I fell and with no faith to fall back on. Don't get me wrong, faith is not something we fall back on but something that should be used 24/7. But just maybe that was my problem, I saw faith as something to fall back on when things weren't going good or wait more like weren't going my way. It's crazy but now that I look back on that time I see how far gone I was and how few people were even aware. Maybe they were aware but too scared to do anything or possibly that facade I created was a perfect one. Either way it really doesn't matter and please understand I am not here to play victim. If I were that I would simply be writing off all the Lord did in my life during that time. I simply here to say one thing: there are those within our own church body who are drowning. We have to reach out to these people and when it appears they are playing church or christian, we must show them Gods love. It would kill me if I died and found out that there was just one person in my life who out of pride I turned a blind eye to and they ended up never coming to God. God desires to use us in the most unique way in situations like these. Don't ever think just because of their parents position in the church or even their position that everything is perfect. We need to be aware and we need to see beyond the surface. This requires a certain amount of faith, work, humility, and love. It is not easy but if it changes one persons life for the kingdom of heaven it will be worth it.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you: continue in my love." --John 15:9

Jr high best friends

These are my two best friends since Jr. High we have the insane threesome relationship :)

This is us in Jr. High.... attractive we know :)

This us recently ;). We got to hang and we decided to document the epic moment :)

You don't have to earn the love of Jesus & nothing you do will make him love you less. He won't stop loving us & when we fail he's still God

I fight back the tears as I remember the times we shared. Although they were beautiful, they were cut short by the sting of life. I miss you more than I could ever express. With every second that passes it only makes reality more real.

Ireland 2010

In a earlier post I made it clear that I had no plans for 2010. Sure my heart was to return to Ireland but I had no idea if that was going to work out. My church wasn't even certain until a few weeks ago that they were returning. I don't know how to explain but now I know I am supposed to go. It's really crazy!!! I was talking with some people from church and the Ireland subject came up and they said no way could that ever happen. I told them that was exactly how I felt and then it happened and I went! I realized how much my Faith has grown since the last trip. I still don't know how I am going to afford it or how I will once again bear the difficulties that go with it. All I know is that I serve God and that if he really wants me there it is going to happen. I don't have the fear that if it doesn't happen I will be hurt. I have the trust that God knows what's best. I can't be not on the trip anymore that I already am. Those truths will get me through and make me a stronger person. Where does this leave the Ireland situation? I am going! Unless the Lord changes that, I strongly believe that is where I am supposed to be. I ask for your participation by praying fervently for the Lord to reveal himself to me in a mighty way. That I would walk this in his perfect will.
Thank you
-Still Serving Jehova Rapha

What do I title this??

Wow things have just been crazy. There has been this spiritual battle I can't see being fought in my favor. Oh boy do I feel it though!! I am not sure where to start, so I suppose last week would be most useful. Or maybe farther back?? AHHHHH. Okay so at the beginning of this school year I had been praying steadily for an open door for some ministry stuff. What really stunk was I couldn't go to my Pastor with it and I couldn't even steadily think through it. There were too many things I needed to give up before I even went to my Pastor. Pride? Yes that was one thing. So I did the only sensible thing and began to pray heavily for the Lord to make an open door and open my Pastors heart to the idea. I have been praying for that for months but I felt there were mountains that would need to be moved first. Just last week I was informed that I didn't make Drama and was stuck on a wait list. This coming Monday I would need to go to the class and petition it. When I first found out I was on the verge of tears, everything I had worked hard for kinda seemed to me going down. I felt like I was getting better and climbing up a ladder to being a better actor, working harder to be the best. Then as I was alone with my fear and frustration the Lord started to calm my heart. He reminded me that he was in Control. He reminded me that I had been praying for this. I kinda just sat there stunned I mean hello I was angry with God for taking my passion away but I had prayed for that. Are you as confused as I am yet? (try and stay with me) I looked at my friend who was sitting there with me (though for a moment it seemed she had disappeared) and I said Sarah maybe God wants me to do something else. She just kinda stared at me I think she was shocked cause I went from tears to maybe this is a good thing. She was so encouraging and just kinda scooted me along and helped me. Over the past week without having any conversation with my Pastor, God was Dear it's time to let go of this. And by his strength alone I made a choice to walk away from something I never thought I'd have the strength too. God is blessing me, I don't know how to explain it but He is. I am so excited to see what the Lord is going to do these next few months. I feel stagnant and I just wanta get out and do something for the Lord.

Night Chills???

Hahaha, I am not sure we actually gave people chills but we tried .okay.thanks. Anyways, it was a really fun but exhausting performance (I am still recovering). I remembered all of my lines and it felt good cause the past four months of hard work payed off. Here are a few pic's..... enjoy the randomness of them =p

Me and Sarah messing around during our break at rehearsals

Me and Ali after we did our hair and make up

Me and Selena backstage

Yeaaaa we are best friends :)

Essential

I have a fantastic relationship with my Dad and I am very thankful for that!! Lately, I have seem some huge affects of that and they have nothing to do with my home life. I just started dating recently and my boyfriend and I have a great relationship. I have been realizing the reason is because of first the amazing relationship I have with my Lord and with my Dad. I am thankful to my Daddy for teaching me how to communicate with a man, how to love a man, and how to treat him. My Mom has done an excellent job of teaching me how to be a girlfriend that is caring, she is an amazing role model. All this to say and encourage all of you parents to have good relationships with your kids so that some day who you are shows through in your children's relationships.

What did I discover today? When I'm on the stage the whole world disapears. That is why I act, I loose myself. Go dolphins (:

Everytime another show approaches it causes me to look back at the beggining of rehearsals and who I was. I then realize how much I've grown since the start.

I will uphold you

I am at a crossroad right now. A crossroad of servant hood and making a choice. One of those choices that could really bring honor or dishonor to the Lord. It's a choice I need to choose wisely, otherwise I could really let my Father down. I am not sure at all what to do and I woke up this morning just praying hard to the Lord for direction. I can't ask anyone for their opinion because I can't make this decision based off of what other people think. People have all had different opinions and to be honest none of them seem quite right. I know beyond doubt that if I let other people shape my decision I would be pushing the Lord away. I am leaning on him alone for this answer. This situation has brought me much joy and pain and I feel confused about what to do. I just want to serve the Lord but I don't know if leaving my position or staying is serving. Crazy I know. Anyways I when I was reading my Bible this morning and was aching for some kind of direction or peace or something. I was reading from Genesis and all I kept pulling out of the passage was that sin has consequences. It really spoke to me with my choice as I noted that whatever I choose I will have consequences, they may just be bad ones. I just felt like a huge piece of what I was seeking was missing. Than a little later I picked up the book "His Princess" by Sheri Rose and read the love letter from Jesus that was next in my book:

"My Princess.... I will uphold you
I have raised you up to a place of great purpose, but their will be many who will not understand your position. Even you may not understand why I strategically placed you here for a time such as this. You will be tempted to seek the approval of others and waste precious time defending the plans that I've placed in your heart. Remember, I am the Lord your God. You did not choose me....... I chose you. I will life you high above any circumstances that come against My divine purpose for your life. The only one who can stop My miraculous work in and through your life is you. So instead of making one more plan, give your plans completely to Me, and let Me finish the work I started in you.
Love, Your King and Divine Purpose:

"And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

Merry Christmas

Happy Birthday Jesus!! <3
"But the Angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:10-13