I am home...But is this home??

I am home and have been now for four days. But somehow being here doesn't feel right. This is re-entry and one of the most difficult aspects of missionary work. My heart immediately felt for the families in my church who deal with this constantly. Where do I begin??? To start with my trip and end with where I am now would seem logical. However, I see things in a much different light now that I am home and would have a hard time going back to my "eyes" previous to Ireland 09. So I start with my flight and the main aspect of my re-entry. I returned home on Monday night and was really tired/nervous. For me to be nervous about anything other than a show is really not normal. I was coming home for heavens sake not going there. We got off the plane and David Hoffman asks me if our parents would be right there when we got off the escalator. I realized he was right and than my stomach went into knots. The escalator was cheap and was half the length of a normal one. Most defiantly not enough time to think out how I was gonna react to this. My parents and a number of other people were there. I really don't remember saying much to my parents other than "Where is the toilet??". We got out of the airport and home pretty fast but than came the hardest part. Walking into my house, seeing my brothers and sisters that I haven't seen in two weeks. Questions flew through my mind faster than I could try and answer them. Why was this all so foreign to me?? I walked in the house and got a lovely welcome from the kids. I walked into my room to set my stuff down and an emotion I have never felt before overcame me. I cried because for the first time in my life being home didn't feel right. Wednesday night was my first day back to church, and that I must say was very awesome :). BTW thanks to everyone for the warm welcome. It was really difficult walking through the doors of my own church. The place I have called "home" for sixteen years. For the first time in my life once again it didn't feel right to be there. Sure there were the times in the past few months that I didn't want to be there because of the memories but never did it not feel right. It felt good but in some ways it feels frivolous to be here when kids halfway across the world that I just left days ago are hurting to be loved. Well I completely understand that this may not all make sense to you, this week has been a work in progress for me as I sort out all of my feelings. I am in a different world now as I home and it's been weird. What have I learned from all of this?? Two things!! 1: No matter where we are in this world, it is not are home. We should never feel relaxed and comfortable to forget that we ARE foreigners. The unfamiliarity of my so called "home" and the awkwardness is something that should be felt by ALL Christians. 2: It showed me that God did a work not only in my life but the life's of the 150 kids+ that we worked with in Ireland. It reminds me that to pray constantly for them and to continue in the love for others that they caused me to have.
Thanks for joyously walking this beautiful experience with me.
More to come later :)
Love Ayana

Zech, Bree, Charee, and I at an Irish Castle :)