New Journey Part 1

This is a new series I am going to start writing in regards to the new journey I am going to walk without my dear friend and how I am handling things. Each part of this is going to be very difficult for me to write and you to read. But I find it severely important for everyone to see God's grace and peace through the difficult times. So here we go!!!!!



Part 1:

Here i sit wondering how I'm supposed to make it without Donna! I know that may sound blunt but I'm not going to hide my feelings. I have had my ups and downs since her death 2 weeks ago. However, the pain is still the same and as far as I see it, the part of me that is gone will always be gone. I finally got back into worship which was a huge step for me. It hurt like crazy! I won't lie it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I ended up in tears as the raw memories came back. I did a pretty good job of staying strong at the memorial. There were two breaking points though. First, during the slide show presentation a picture (which I was in) of the worship team came up. Second, when I saw her son (drew) smile. It is insane he has so much of her face and mannerisms in him. It does bless me though to know that her life can be that close to me still. I love her family to death and the mean the world to me. I had the biggest blessing of all by being able to hang out with her kids and help with the service. I'm gently reminded God has a plan when I get down. There have been a few things that have been extremely hard for me. Worship as I said earlier and just doing the hand motions she made up. Being at church and cleaning :(. Seeing Awana without her. Timothy classes and eating Del Taco. Opening up about my life to other leaders. Lately there has been two things heavy on my heart and I will close with them. Donna made a promise to me before she left of two things: one that next semester I would help her with American girl class and two that she would help me with my ASL classes next semester. Now I'm stuck wondering why God took that away? I know this was straight forward but I want to be serious with everyone. Please pray for guidance as I seek Gods answers to those two things I feel I'm missing. Also pray for Hallelujah night this Friday as it is going to be a difficult first one without her. Love You All and Thanks <3 :).
In Grace and Love
Ayana :)
"Whatever You’re doing inside of me. It feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace. And it’s hard surrender to what I can’t see, but I’m giving in to something heavenly
Whatever You’re doing inside of meIt feels like chaos, but I believe …You’re up to something bigger than me, Larger than life, something heavenly. Whatever You’re doing inside of meIt feels like chaos, but now I can see. This is something bigger than me. Larger than life, Something heavenly"- Whatever You're Doing by Sanctus Real