A long way

Ahh. Yes!! It's already September and yes almost a whole year later. Just a year ago, well just a year ago a lot of things were different. For starters Donna was still here with us and secondly I was a completely different person. Just now I forced myself to read the post "D Update" that was written just a year ago. It goes without saying that these past few months were the "opening up" stage. The stage in the grieving process where I began to actually be able to talk about the entire situation and to begin to use it as a witnessing tool. God has provided some unique opportunities to share my story with other's, but never without a tear. To think that it has been a year since my Mom sat down and had the hard talk with me is just crazy. It was only by God's strength that through the tears she was able to tell me that Donna was going to meet Jesus soon. This past year has been a long, hard, and eventful journey to healing. I am not going to sit here and tell you all that I have completely healed and everything's better. It's simply not true!! I still have those days where I can hear her voice and I cry. There are the moments a song comes on or an inside joke comes to mind. The times I slip into my CM worship shirt and I automatically feel a piece of me is missing. This is true, part of me has gone. Donna played a huge part in my life and therefore she became a part of who I am. Now as I have attempted to adjust to life without her, well much has changed. Once again I don't claim to have totally adjusted!! I still want to run in the office and tell her the latest thing God taught me. We did share those sweet talks about the Lord's work in my life. The funny thing now that I think about it, was that it never was about her. Always me!! She cared so much for me and never bothered to even talk about herself. WOW!!! Anyways, as I read that post I mentioned earlier I felt a sense of conviction. Where went that mentality?? The one that so believed God was completely in control. Does it take a 180 from my dying friend for me to see that??? Why couldn't I just see that by reading the story of Christ's death??? Or the parting of the red sea? I guess I say all this just to prove sometimes we have to "see" and "feel" to understand those things. Now as I face my heart a year after that statement was written, I am forced to remember that He remained in control in Donna's life. So I go out today, with that new mentality!!! SOO SOOO SOOO Meaningful.....
God Is In Control!!