What do I title this??

Wow things have just been crazy. There has been this spiritual battle I can't see being fought in my favor. Oh boy do I feel it though!! I am not sure where to start, so I suppose last week would be most useful. Or maybe farther back?? AHHHHH. Okay so at the beginning of this school year I had been praying steadily for an open door for some ministry stuff. What really stunk was I couldn't go to my Pastor with it and I couldn't even steadily think through it. There were too many things I needed to give up before I even went to my Pastor. Pride? Yes that was one thing. So I did the only sensible thing and began to pray heavily for the Lord to make an open door and open my Pastors heart to the idea. I have been praying for that for months but I felt there were mountains that would need to be moved first. Just last week I was informed that I didn't make Drama and was stuck on a wait list. This coming Monday I would need to go to the class and petition it. When I first found out I was on the verge of tears, everything I had worked hard for kinda seemed to me going down. I felt like I was getting better and climbing up a ladder to being a better actor, working harder to be the best. Then as I was alone with my fear and frustration the Lord started to calm my heart. He reminded me that he was in Control. He reminded me that I had been praying for this. I kinda just sat there stunned I mean hello I was angry with God for taking my passion away but I had prayed for that. Are you as confused as I am yet? (try and stay with me) I looked at my friend who was sitting there with me (though for a moment it seemed she had disappeared) and I said Sarah maybe God wants me to do something else. She just kinda stared at me I think she was shocked cause I went from tears to maybe this is a good thing. She was so encouraging and just kinda scooted me along and helped me. Over the past week without having any conversation with my Pastor, God was Dear it's time to let go of this. And by his strength alone I made a choice to walk away from something I never thought I'd have the strength too. God is blessing me, I don't know how to explain it but He is. I am so excited to see what the Lord is going to do these next few months. I feel stagnant and I just wanta get out and do something for the Lord.