Hello October

Eeek I am so excited, it's finally October. I think I am most excited because Fall is my favorite time of the year. I woke up this morning to the beauty of wind and cool air =D. It's actually starting to feel like fall. October is usually a crazy month. I am not sure why. Maybe it's the rehearsals, the Hallelujah prep work, and intense school work. I am not to sure, I just know that October (yea even with the busyness) is my favorite month :). This October is unfortunetly bringing back some horrific memories. Memories of a situation I have yet to even work through. No, I haven't worked through the feelings, the grief, the sorrow, the regret, the confusion, and every other feeling death brings. Somehow in the midst of every difficulty God has given me the strength I didn't know I would ever have. The strength to make it into another October, a year after one of my life's hugest tragedy's took place. I guess even though I am extremely excited for fall, it's also a difficult and hurtful process. I was recently asked if every month on the sixteenth or every October would be hard. I didn't know how to respond, because I simply don't know the answer. I didn't know how I would make into another October let alone into a new week after the incident. I don't carry the answers to the hard things in life, but God does and that is why I keep going. He has a sweet and wonderful plan (why do we always loose sight of that?). And he's never gonna let go of me. So yes this past year has been a hard and painful journey, but God was always present. Even when it felt like I couldn't make it another hour and even when I was in pure denial of my loss. So the God I serve is an amazing one and I am here to say I am thankful for another October. I am looking forward to a new October and what the Lord has in store for me. I'll admit it's a bit scary......but He's On His Throne :)
Love Ayana <3