The past two months!!

It's really an amazing feeling for me to come here and totally just unload and journal. God has been doing such a work in my life and I am completely honored that he would choose me to go through these difficult situations so I can grow! It's been a good feeling to wake up every morning and just be thankful to the Lord for his abundant blessings. Anyways, just about two weeks ago I snapped out of my culture shock. Yes nearly two months upon coming home from Ireland and I barely got back into the swing of things. This really hit me differently than it hit others on the team. It was a unique experience I can guarantee you that changed my entire life. I understand that some of this is not making sense at the moment but it is really one of those things that I can only kinda put into words. You know, that unique work God does in your life and you can only share it to a certain extent?? Anyhow, it took weeks and nearly a month to begin to articulate and even talk about Ireland. It was extremely hard to come home and get back into the swing of having my own personal devotion time. That was something that was required of us and we had a set time that was structured. It really kept me on track plus I was with awesome fellow believers 24/7. So being home away from all that makes it complicated, you have to survive spiritually on your own. But than again we are never really alone which brings me to my next point! I was in a state of complacency trying to comprehend what the Lord did in Ireland and what I had just seen. The mighty work of a mighty saviour!! It's much to personal to explain it all and to be honest I really do not have the words. God brought me into a real cool place about two weeks ago! Somehow through some stuff that was going on in my heart the Lord reached down and showed me something. He showed me that I was gonna need to trust him in a couple areas to get through the time away from the Irish (however long that is). First that his loving arms will keep those kids close to him ( the never ending lesson) and second that he will calm my heart when I miss them more than words can say. We have an unspeakable bond and having zero contact with anyone there makes it very difficult. Jesus continues to reach down to me and give me peace even when things are hectic. God has shown me something vital to life regarding death. As a few of you know only four days after I returned home from Ireland, my beautiful Aunt went home to meet Jesus. Than only three weeks ago her son Josh passed away at the age of 35. The truth is that I have lost 6 people close to me in a year! This is super difficult for someone so young to handle, but God has been at work through it in a year. One thing I have come up with? Death was not supposed to be a natural part of life, I have stated this many times before. So I end with this it hurts and it hurts like crazy. However, it brings us closer with our Jesus as well as pressing our hearts to bring more people into his kingdom. I don't have the answers as to why I have had to deal with all this death and to be honest I am very happy I don't. I am not sure I would be able to handle or even fathom the answer. I am content to know my Jesus has a beautiful plan and loves me beyond measure.

That is all for now :)

Love Ayana <3