Farewell

If any of you are in some sort of group with fellow believers you know the pain when God calls a member away. Well it is like that with our youth group. We are just one big family. So when anything painful happens to another member it hurts. Or when God says it's time to move on. A few weeks back God told a brother in Christ that he would be taking him to new places. And this past Wednesday was our last service with our brother Tyler. It was just sad having to say goodbye him. Our youth group won't be the same without you. 

i suppose this is thanks...

this past weekend my youth group went to camp for their jr. high retreat. i was supposed to be on that retreat. however, thursday when I visited mrs.docter I was told I had a sinus infection. we decided at that point it would be best for me not to go. my mom went and they were snowed in. they were able to shovel out and make it home. but a trailer of stuff is still up there because it was too stuck in the snow. my youth pastors went up yesterday to get the stuff. they were unable and headed home. awhile after they passed a certain spot and another bus of around 25 people were heading down the SAME mountain my mother, youth pastors, youth leaders, and closest friends came down just the day before (and some that day). the bus from a local church collided with a car and got into a severe accident. as of now one person has died and 15 other teens are in critical condition. i guess i am just really brokenhearted right now for that church. i mean how devastating. i have been in constant prayer for them. but one thought that hasn't left my mind the past 24 hours since the accident is that it could have been my loved ones. it could have been my mom, my aunt, my uncle, my youth pastors, my youth leaders, the jr.high students that have been such an active part of my life. it wasn't though. for now the one's i love are safe. but what if God had chosen to take them? everything i know to be true could have been gone in a matter of minutes. what would have been my last words to them? sure i talked to my mom that morning before she headed home. but did i tell her how much i love her? no i didn't...what if that had been it for my loved one's??

a fake generation

I am in a leadership position at church in my youth group. I say all of this because it has put me in a prayer position for the youth. Now as I pray for them I am beginning to realize something sad but so true, we are living in a fake generation. I mean people are so fake in every way and no one knows who they are anymore. People have fake bodies, fake personalities, and fake religion. They pretend they know who they are and they have it all figured out and then they are thrown in the hot water and no one knows them anymore. I guess this breaks me most from a Christian point of view. It shows me the desperation for our youth but also how I can be behind the scenes praying for them. I just can't stand to sit back anymore and watch this generation die for the sake of the passing world. They think that popularity and materialistic things are important. And why wouldn't they? It's in our movies, our music, our TV shows, and even the commercials they play between the TV shows. We live in a world where the next best thing is believed to be what it takes to bring satisfaction. When that doesn't we keep wanting until we have it all and are still lost. How can I sit here any longer with the truth inside of me and not share it? It hurts me like I was stabbed with a knife to know those around me are dying. They are selling there souls to the devil. They are giving up on ever finding real peace, real love, real life. They are living in a fake world. With a fake lifestyle. The kinda life that leads to destruction in the end. 

"There is a way that appears to be right, 

   but in the end it leads to death." Proverbs 14:12

Sneak peek

Here is the sneak peek of my book that I have been promising. I really had to figure out how to go about this. It is difficult because I am trying to protect my work. So therefore until it is published I won't release the name yet. I am really excited about writing it and just want to be careful...
Ladies and Gents....
HERE IT IS!!! (:
"Growing up in a Christian home is more than most people can account for. I am thankful, beyond thankful that I have two parents who love each other and the Lord. My story like many others is pretty subtle spiritually. From an early age I knew all too well that there was a void in my heart that was screaming for the Lord to fill it."

Serving Jesus

Been a hard thing lately and I have been going through hard stuff when it comes to serving. But I love it. I love serving. So why must it be difficult? Well on another note I have been sick for two weeks and not enjoying it. I am not complaining I am just being honest.

Something changed in my heart on Monday.

I was hanging out at Evans house and he had some homework. He was reading a story about someone with MS.

He had stopped several times to update me on the story but at one point he stopped and let the book fall on his face as he sighed. I was like what's wrong? And he was like this is cool it says something about how when people ask her like how she copes with the disease She told them that she used to ask God why me? But eventually she got to the point of asking why not me?

That hit me like crazy and I just felt like I needed to take on that attitude!

Why not me for the hard stuff????

Like I did nothing to not deserve this. 

And if it brings me closer to my Jesus and makes me a better person///

Then BRING IT!!

This guy...

Is the light in my day

My best friend

The person who gets me...

and stays by my side

he is my love (:
Happy Valentines Dear!
I love you!

Brother, I miss you!

Thanks for being such a great brother. I pray the Lord is blessing you abundantly. I love you! 

Set Me Free

Here is the long awaited Video (:
God Bless (:

Beautiful.

I am choosing to share something ridiculously personal here on this blog. Something I swore I would never share with just whoever. But I decided it was time to be real about it. It is another step in my walk with God. Another valley I walked through and another mountain I am now standing upon. Another moment in life where I smile and say thanks to Jesus. I guess one thing I never gave up was my self worth. I guess I tend to look at myself and just not think very highly of myself. I have always felt like I didn't have much to offer Jesus. But that all changed this weekend. As I was at camp God showed me that my lack of self confidence was driving a wedge in our relationship. I guess it was holding me back from having a wonderful relationship with him. I wept over my sin as I realized that I was pretty much slapping Jesus in the face. I mean he created me in His image and I keep telling myself I am ugly and worthless!! What a lie from the world. It has been five days since I gave this over to the Lord and it has been a beautiful five days. I feel free and for the first time in forever I feel beautiful. I know I am and I know I have worth. The more I live for God and not this world....the more worth I will have. God loves me and he created me beautiful. No matter what the world says. And for those I hurt in the process of my sin I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you and I love you!
God Bless (:

Retreat....sorry you haven't seen it all (:

More Retreat Goodness

Winter Camp 2011

I made it through the beautiful weekend. I say this because the sickness I posted about Thursday turned into a virus that struck me full force Saturday morning. I was out with a fever, body aches, and sore throat. It was really hard because it was my last Winter Retreat as a youth student and I just wanted to enjoy it. Anyways I was able to in the end and God just really changed me up there. I am going to go into detail here about what God showed me. But it was a really great weekend and the Lord just gently removed the yuck from my heart. The skit went really really really good! I almost passed out from the fever and my sweet Siaira had an asthma attack. But God was holding us and we did it! We made it!! Here are some pics from the weekend (: I will post the video from the skit soon!
Love you ALL(:

my apologies sir

I want to say I am sorry to Mr.Guy on the plane that fell asleep and made me laugh.

I had to take this picture of you because it was the comic relief of the long flight.

Sorry we never got a chance to meet and discuss your awesomeness.

Hopefully we can still be good friends. 

Sorry if you feel like I am a stalker...really it was just funny.

Once the good radio station cut out Evan and I got bored.

You made the flight.

So thanks,

Sincerely Ayana (:

apparently falling asleep anywhere near me on a plane is dangerous..

sorry it just makes me laugh tehee (:

Home sick

So i should be getting ready for Drama right now. But I am still at home in my pj's. I woke up this morning feeling queasy and dizzy. I kept sleeping hoping it would be gone when I woke up. I woke up at 9:45 feeling the same way. Then I realized I skipped dinner last night.... which is a big no no with my health issues. So none the less everything is still spinning and I can't go to school. I am not happy about that because I really can't afford to miss a rehearsal. Anyways if you all could pray for me and that the Lord will heal me. We leave for retreat tomorrow and satan is trying to ruin me.

Hey Lord, it's me again!!

I'm back and I am requesting that you would answer this very important prayer. I feel so called back to San Fran this spring, but Lord I want to know that it is 100% your will. Please reveal that to me Lord. Your amazing God and I just want the people in San Fran to know that. I pray that you would provide the funds I need to go on this missions trip and that you alone would guide me. I pray that you would raise up a team of those you want to go to SF. I pray Lord that these people would be handpicked, strong, and ready to do your will. Lord I ask that you would prepare us as a team for the yucky things we will see there. And Lord I ask that you cover the Lopez's in your grace as they prepare to have us.
I give you SF 11 and thank you precious Lord that you have given us this opportunity and I pray Jesus that we would not take it for granted. But that we would be responsible with what you have given us.
We love you Lord.
Amen (:

Dear Jesus,

You amaze me Lord. How your love for me is never ending and how I am always on your mind. I can't ever seem, to get enough of you. Lord, I want to specifically pray for this weekend. I lift up our High School Retreat to you and commit it into your hands. I pray for Mike and Jon as they run their first ever youth retreat. I pray God that you would fill them with yourself. That they would do what is honorable in your sight. I pray for Pastor Tony Lord as he teaches that you would pour out of him. I ask that you would be with his family and bless them insanely much. I ask Lord that you would be with the Worship team and that they would be filled with you. I ask that you would release them from any bondage so they are free to lead us in praise to you. I thank you for them Lord. I thank you Jesus for the amazing skit team you have blessed me with and I pray that you would strengthen me to lead them. I pray Lord that you would use us up there to touch lives in ways we never thought possible. I lift up the drivers and youth leaders and I pray God that you would be with them. I pray for those students who know you, I ask that they would know a deeper meaning of you this weekend. And for those you have not yet met you Lord I pray that you would draw them to yourself. That they would let go of the things of this world and leave it up there on that mountain. I pray for the food team and that you would strengthen and bless them. Lord, I am going to be selfish here and pray for myself. For my health on this trip and that I will make it when we do the skit. I ask that I would fall in love with you all over again and that you would use me there. That you would reveal to me and release me from anything that is holding me back from you. I love you and give you this weekend. I lift all of these people up to your almighty throne.
In your mighty name,
Amen