This is when.......

"This is when it's easiest to give up, when it gets hard. It's much easier to lead when you have strength. However, now when your at your weakest point is when it is most crucial!"
-Facing The Giants

Ah geeze

Okay so, I burned myself again! I think I am about right on cue for it to happen. I burned myself right before winter camp in January which means right before the month ended and than again right before February ended. WOW and since we are approaching the end of the month.....;) Man I don't know how these things happen to me....I guess it just means it's not very smart on your part if you hand me a hot object that is plugged in. I mean that big one with the flat iron across my face in February. OUCH!! Let's just say Denielle's wedding photo's of me weren't drop dead gorgeous (hah not insinuating that they ever are). Anyways, that was random but welcome to the life of Ayana.......it's just not normal if it isn't random. Oh and by the way in case you care enough to ask what exactly happened....here's the story in all it's glory. Ahem the following took place around 2:00pm Monday March 30th. *Topher enters the room and asks if I would like him to make me lunch* (what a great brother). I politely refuse letting him know Pizza doesn't sound good to me. After about a half hour, I realized that it sounded AMAZING. So I went to the kitchen and began to make a pizza. I then stuck it into the oven and waited for it to cook. When the timer beeped it was finished i took it out and BAM it burned me.....*sigh*. Okay that was the epic story that you continued to read for.....
Sorry it's been a slow day......

They Are Suh-weat!!

Hah, last night I realized how much I truly love my youth group because they are the best. They have accepted me and been there through the tough stuff. We had so much fun with each other yesterday when we went street witnessing at the beach! We than had a bonfire/potluck down on the beach after with some worship. It was sooo cool because I got to lead worship along with Zach, who is like my brother. We were laughing about it before, because we were raised together and now were leading worship together and serving together. Soooo much fun!! Anyways the whole day was a BLAST! We packed out our van and we had some amazing people in their. Pastor Jon was our driver, and we rocked out to some insane Christian gangsta rap ;) (the beauty of having a pastor like Jon. Shhhh but he is kind of a crazy driver, don't tell Pastor Tony though ;). Anyways, I had an awesome time and can't wait to go to San Fran with these beautiful people.

Me and Tay, we were waiting for Jon to finish talking it up with some of his "homies"

Catching a ride down the boardwalk. Yes I look like I am going to hurl, believe me it was pretty stinkin cold. The best part is I am sitting on Tay's lap and you can't even see her :)

Our bonfire, right before we were getting ready for worship!

WHY!?

Aunt is being called home! That's obvious so many of you have heard by now. I faced my poor Grandpa today something I didn't want to do. He is so strong, but he is ready for a change of phase with this situation.

Second my cousin is dying......I just found out last night...... His sin has brought him to a place of death. Having lost his son to suicide (due to gay struggles) last may, this is so very difficult/

Am I OK? NO! Absolutely not!! Am I myself!? Heck yes! I'm just clinging to God, I don't know how to face this AGAIN! All I can say is I am still gonna praise Jesus because he is still on his throne. Thanks for your prayers, they mean the world. I need to be strong right now.....
Love Ayana

EPIC!

Zahya: Ayana, so your whole play was a dream?
Ayana: WHAT?
Zahya: A Midsummer Night's DREAM! It was a dream!?
Ayana: Oh! Really???
Zahya: You didn't know that?
Ayana: It never crossed my mind I suppose

We Have A Date! =D

I am so excited :)!!!!! We have a final date set for Bye Bye Birdie :). May 29th and 30th!!! Yes!! I am so excited! Sorry but I really can't wait, it is going to be fantastic. Unfortunately we lost two amazing actresses this week :(. Please join me in saying a goodbye to Valerie :( who has completely left our class. Also to Ellis who is unable to make both of the shows :( but is still continuing with our class. I love both of you dearly.

Ellis (black sweater) rehearsing for her role as Sandy in Spring 2008's Broadway Rocks

Valerie (yellow shirt) at Broadway Rocks! Rehearsal

Niqua

Support part 1

My bracelet for my Aunt

ATTENTION.......PLEASE HELP

i ask that u guys join me in support of my Aunt by wearing a small piece of something yellow tomorrow and praying really hard. take a picture of your yellow article and send it to me and i will blog it!! please support me guys!!!! it means the world to me!!!! it would also be special for my family to see that you guys all care. my grandpa is having the hardest time!!
ps u guys can email, text, or post the pic on ur blog THANKS A BILLION!

Going Home!

I suppose when God calls u home u can't fight or change that. Right now all I can say is that this is Gods will. But my family is in so much pain watching her die. It would take a miracle at this point. I know my God is big, but maybe hes just ready for us to give her up. Ahhh, I don't really know what to say? Just praying really hard and trying to stay positive, which is easier said than done. Thanks for praying for my Aunts life. I will keep my blog updated on her progress.
Thanks!
"Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there." ~Author Unknown

air

OMG! he is such a great friend! and hes like 11 :)

I Love Him!! Thank You God For An Awesome Daddy! <3

I just can't wait to go! My mind is going crazy just thinking about it! It is going to be so fun!! I love my team, they are so amazing! San Francisco HERE I COME!! <3

How Can I.......

love someone I have never met? I mean truly love someone! As some of you may know, my family lost an unborn baby 6 years ago. To this day I still miss that baby, that I never met!! I love him?or her? with a love I can't explain! I don't know how to rationalize it but I can say that I can't wait to meet him/her! It makes heaven seem closer.....

My Display Name!

So I thought I would take a moment to explain my display name "still serving jehova rapha". It came from some hard stuff :). Jehova Rapha means God my healer. Through all of this hard stuff of me calling on God for healing, it's been a hard road for sure!! When it's all said and done though I can truly say " I am still going to serve you Jehova Rapha. Simply because he is that he is God MY healer........

Response to Newsboys Huge Transition

First I want to say Peter Fuller will be missed GREATLY! He is an extraordinary man full of God's love and presence. His love for the band and for his fans is huge and for that it won't be the same. I am certain! Not because I just want to think that but because I gave them a try without Mr Peter Fuller. Many people have asked my take on this and how I feel (seeing the 8 years I have been a devoted fan). So here it is black and white so you understand exactly how I feel. I found out about 2 weeks ago and my first reaction was to scream. I than settled down a little and started praying it was on good terms. The reason behind his leave to this day still isn't clear. However I would like to state that I SUPPORT him one hundred percent! Having been a huge fan for so long I feel like I know Peter would never make a decision that was not right for the band or anyone else for that matter. He obviously felt God's call in his life and he followed that. As one of his major fans and a sister in Christ it is not only my job but my pleasure to support him in his choice. As well as his choice to bring in Mike. Which leads me to the concert I recently saw by them. It was only Mike's third show and he was having a hard time. I made certain that my voice was heard above the booing, screaming that I love and support Mike. It wasn't the same I will admit but I still support him in his new family and career as a Newsboy. He has God given talents and the love of Christ pouring out of him. He did a fantastic job leading the crowd in classic Newsboys songs. It was a disappointment for me but not because of Mikes presence but simply because he's not Peter. He will never be Peter and can't fit his personality. As the band stated in their announcement, Peter could not and never will be replaced! He started the band nearly 22 years ago and has lead millions not only to Christ but also in worship to our saviour. I write all of this just to simply show my support for Mike. I am a DC Talk fan and always have been. Therefore, having Mike now in the lead of one of my favorite bands is special to me. The songs and the lyrics are the same and Mike being there doesn't change any of that. I can still worship my God with the newsboys lyrics. As hard as this was for me as a die heart newsboys fan, it still speaks volume to me that when it's all said and done nothing can change why I sing the newsboys songs. I intended to keep this short but as you all can see, that wasn't possible. So I will end here by saying I love Peter, the newsboys, and yes Mike. I respect them and therefore their choices. As a fan I must trust that they know what their doing and better yet what God is doing.
<3 Ayana

Happy Birthday Audrey!

To my wonderful friend! Where do I begin! You are so beautiful! I can't imagine life withought you! Thank you for being extremely supportive through everything! You have been with me through some ruff stuff and I can't being to explain my gratitude! Audrey and I have served together both in youth ministry and missionary work! She has a beautiful radiant smile that lights up a room. She gives great hugs and is a very nurturing supportive person. She loves God with all her heart and despite the hard stuff in her life STILL SERVES HIM!! She is an amazing example of a true friend and a Godly one. I thank God for who she is in my life. I pray the Lord blesses you my friend today and always! Love Ayana

More Surprise Pics :)

Enjoying the drive of nothing.... ;)

Trying to understand why God made me so short.....?

Getting ready to leave AZ

Cousins!!!!!!!

The Beautiful Sun City sunset....hmmmmm.....

The Groom :)

Little Miss Sophie... I think I left my heart with her ;)

The joy of my life being himself! thank God for siblings :)

Their first dance

The Bride :)
Hope You enjoyed those :) Sorry they were in a weird order :)

Busy and Sick

Yup that's why you keep getting "light" posts! Anyways, I am headed into a busy weekend and I am fighting an insane head cold! I may die ;). So I will post when I get a chance :).
Love You All <3
PS: After My leadership summit tomorrow I will post and hopefully some pictures to :).

Part of the new diet

This my friends is part of my mom's new diet. This is the first time in a long time that she has bought it seedless. Not exactly something I am used to but I am adapting ;). It's weird and different believe it or not!!!! Hahaha it kinda sucks! I pulled it out to make a sandwich and was like ahem where are the seeds? I want my jelly with seeds! I told my mom I was protesting so we'll see what happens ;). Okay I am done complaining about my darn jelly!

Love An Unhappy Person ;)

God's Call

Its sweet but sometimes very scary and is known as God's call on our life. I have had to face some hard choices lately. Letting go of things that I felt made me who I am. But than God reminded me to trust him and who I am would be found in him. So difficult. The idea of trust has never come natural to me. It takes a lot for someone to earn my trust which can be very unhealthy at times. However I have noticed that it is a good thing when it comes to relationships because I don't just take anyone anymore. It was never that way, but after being hurt by people multiple times. I have found the true beauty of trust sometimes starts within myself. I realized I must trust God ultimately before I can trust others. This my friends is still a work in progress. People don't tend to gain access of any sort to my heart until I fully trust them. Fully trusting someone for me simply means that I know there going to fail here and than but are pretty much solid. God has blessed me with awesome friends who are super solid. Those friends recognize when they fail and apologize. They have never let their failings or mine for that matter come in the way of our friendship. The difficulty of trusting someone is a wonderful characteristic I enjoy about who God made me. But here's where it can get kinda ugly! I know it's something God's working on you know? Still makes it difficult though. My trust stuff tends to become a thing with family members and my heavenly father. Tough I know! Lately (through some hard stuff) God has shown me to simply let go and really really trust him. Throwing my life into his hands and surrender all I have. Trusting him that he knows what he's really doing and that his plan is SO beautiful. Walking away from the things that have made me who I am for so long has been so painful. Finding my image in Jesus is just as hard but so beautiful as he slowly reveals to me exactly who he has made me to be. Daily, finding out things about myself I never knew is so wonderful!! God's call is hard but beautiful when you choose to follow it! Trust is just another roadblock in my ways that I need to get around!
Love Always Ayana <3

Happy Birthday Pastor Jon!

Happy Birthday to one of my favorite two youth pastors. Jon is so amazing! He has come from a horrible past and still gives God the glory. He loves Jesus with all of his heart and the students just as much. He puts God before anyone including his ministry and has a heart for the lost and unsaved. I am thankful God has put Jon into my life and hope he is blessed way beyond anything today and always! Happy Birthday Jon!

-Ayana :)

Jon Worshiping God And Hanging With The Students

I miss them!

Agh! It's been soooo long! How do I explain it? There like incrediable! They have been with me through so much! I need to see both of you! How bout this friday!? The mall!? Hah good idea frnds! Love u girls so much...... beyond words......I MISS U!

No More Frapps Before Food =p

Well no more coffee at all before I eat some kind of meal. Usually I can slip by with just some slight pain but after today I will never pull that again. Aha I am sure Audrey would agree that this is a sweet plan :). I was doing worship for Ignite youth ministry and we were singing the last song. I started to get super dizzy and my stomach started having severe pain! Don't ask, I don't know. Than I started seeing weird things. Yup! I stuck that song out than grabbed my friend Andrea and dragged her to the drinking fountain with me. I told her if I was gonna pass out someone needed to be there LOL! After some water I went back to church for a few min before I had severe pain again! I jumped up super fast and told Audrey if I was gone long to make sure she came and got me. I sat on the floor of the hall and tried to calm myself down. I was so scared though, I was like shaking. I sent a quick text to Audrey (thank God for my phone) and told her to come get me, that I couldn't get off the floor by myself. She finally came and got me some food. I ended up being okay after some fishies =p yea they make everything better. But seriously I will NEVER drink coffee with ought food again! There's my vow................=p

Yea its weird

I was just reading Emmy's blog and she was talking about senior registration coming. Weird I agree. For me it's junior registration and that is just odd! Completely I mean wow 2 more years left of HS? What the heck!?!?! It was just yesterday or it seems that I was new to the school and super shy! Me shy? I know ;). Now I will be a junior and before you know it onto college! As Emily said I am not ready for this to end! It has been soooooooooooooooo much fun! Drama has definitely made my HS years! Now I am two years away from graduation and the end. It seems so close yet so far. Its just all to weird to digest! All I can say is I haven't regretted any of it yet and hope I can say the same for the next two years. Thanks Emily for posting about that it made me think :)
xoxoxoxo Ayana <3

ohh britt <3

Britt: loll cuzz she knows i like him so she doesn't wanna like him.....and i said i hopeeeeee not bleh joe said it would be a waste if he was LOL
me: hahah yes hehehe awww u guys should date!
Britt: lol yeahhh the chances of thattt are like very slim...like pigs flying slim loll
me: ooo thats happend b4 !!! u dont remeber
Britt: hahaha guesss i don't...whatcha talkin aboutt???
me: nevermind silly it was a joke gosh ily
Britt: loll fineee...wait u said uve seen will b4...when did u see him???
me: omg geeze i met him kinda last seme no no last year
Britt: hahaha whenn thoughh???
me: AT A MATH ORIENTATION MISS INTERROGATION
Britt: LOL SRYYY just curioussss missy
ily britt :) u made my thursday =p

French Fry Diet and Sacrifice

Weird mixes of things but it's all good. The first part is much more funny the the second which is serious.
First Bet is nuts!!!! She has been on this weird french fry diet for about a week and a half. For those of you who don't know Bet, she is my 7 year old sis! She just got on this weird kick! She wouldn't eat them and when we asked why she said she was on a french fry diet! What the heck!?!? Haha so adorable but weird! Guess she is my sister =p. Just today she asked for some and my mom and I were like well that lasted long! She simply stated that she was done with it! it was sooooo cute! Okay that was random but it made me smile so.....

Second, I made a hard choice today! I gave up prom for Ireland. That sounds weird I know!! But prom is 40 dollars and I need to save for Ireland this summer. I wanted to go sooo bad last year but God kept me here. I wasn't ready at all. Vbs and Ireland were the same week and I would have missed Vbs. I wasn't ready to let go of it last year, but made a promise for this year. I promised myself I would go this year (if it was God's will) and sacrifice anything to go on the missions trip. So far Prom has been one of them! I guess this is just another growth thing :). Always Joyful :). Please keep me in your prayers
Love Ayana <3

Surprise =D

Recap of my trip! It was so amazing! Great family/friend time! Got to see CCS (beautiful place BTW)!!

Saturday: We started our long trip to surprise at around 8 in the morning. We stayed in touch with the Richardson's but never met up with them until..... the lock your keys in your car stop (no I don't know the name of the town let alone if it had one ;). So we meet up at this gas station stop literally in the middle of NO WHERE. Haha yes we were in that area a lot!! We all kinda went in to use the bathroom and grab a snack. We came out and Susan and Geoffrey were getting in the car and welp she locked her keys in :). It was sooooooo funny! Well I am not sure Bobby thought it was but it was! Somehow things worked out and we were back on the road in 20 minutes. We finally made it to surprise around 3 their time so 2 our time. We stopped for lunch then went straight to Tammy's. After settling in we drove straight to the wedding dinner rehearsal (which I kept calling dress rehearsal)! Whoops way to much time in the theatre. We got to meet Paul's family and hang out with them. Robin surprised me haha I didn't recognize her but it was great to catch up than I got to see Pastor Todd! YAYYYYY, it was such a blessing seeing my old pastor :).

Sunday: Aha best day of the trip by far!! We got up and went to second service at CCS! I can't explain how amazing that church is no no not at all!!!!! I didn't know quite what to expect but it was for sure more amazing than I imagined. The first person I saw when I walked in, like literally after i stepped foot through the gym door was the Shubins. I was so happy I ran up to Erica and gave her a big hug. After that I noticed Julie and ran and gave her a big hug. SO awesome!! Than I did something I normally wouldn't do I ventured off by myself to their youth group to find the Bruno's or Teddy. Hah I found Teddy first and she was more excited to see me than I could put into words. She gave a mini tour of the church and I got to see the children's ministry and their worship team! Teddy than gave me the option of staying and helping it was mixed emotions. I went to youth group met some awesome people and got to see the Lyon's family. Than I went to the wedding! Jennifer and Melissa (my cousins) were there and came running up screaming SERIOUSLY! It was great to see both of them, it had been awhile. We got my sister ready and lined up to walk down the aisle. Pastor Todd, Paul, and Ross (Paul's bro and best man) were already on stage. Next came the hardest part of the entire weekend. Robin, Zahya, Bet and Lele, and Toper and I all walked down the aisle to "The wind beneath my wings". So touching yet hard, kinda a family thing. I fought back tears as I walked down with my sister and parents following. Course those were good tears, tears of joy :). The song changed and they walked down the aisle as my mother was in tears along with Paul. The ceremony seemed to fly by after my dad and mom gave Denielle away. It was an awesome wedding full of happiness and God's love.

Monday: Short and sweet, we made it home at 8 yayyyya! We were all so tired so I'm thinking that was a good deal!!

Enjoy these and more to come soon :)

Where did this guy come from?? :)

All Ready!! Note the blue bracelet on my wrist I forgot to ahem take that off before the ceremony. Do you know how happy that made my mother??

Me and muah Bubbles

Love Ayana <3

Happy Half Birthday My Love

I just wanted to say happy 6 month birthday to my beautiful cousin NaNa. His birthday was Sunday! We are half way to a year little mister! He is stinkin gorgeous and I got pictures to prove it. Love ya sweet baby!!!

This was taken Saturday before I left :)