It's Over =D

Today is the last day of 2008 and I am pretty stoked about that. It seems weird to look back on my life and who I was at the beginning of this year. It doesn't seem possible how fast things change. If someone told me just 8 months ago that I would be where I am today, I would have denied it. I won't sit here and say 2008 was the best year or the worst. It was defiantly a growing year. I changed so much as I endured through some of the craziest stuff. I sit here in awe today that God was so faithful to bring me out of the trials and to walk through the valley of the shadow of death with me. It seems easier to write than to digest the thought that God felt every hurt and every sting of pain that I did. On top of everyone else in the world he choose to feel my hurts and take on the pain that I did in 2008. There were times that giving up seemed the best route for me and during those days God didn't give up on me. Instead he sent some of the most amazing people in my life to help lift up my head. They helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel and I thank God daily for sending those people who really cared for me. I am here today having lost a great deal of friends but gained so many. For each death I experienced this year a baby was born. Three within my church family and one within my family. I am beyond blessed to be here today although it has been hard and trying. I won't say that everything that happened to me this year brought a smile to my face but much of it did. Nevertheless this year has been legit even through the rough spots. I am stoked to see what God does with me in 2009 as some of his wonderful plans are already starting to unfold.
May God Bless You In 2009
Love Ariana

Jess's Farewell Video :)

Make sure and pause my playlist =D

Farewell Best Friend!!

Dear Jessica,
They say time flies and it's so true!!!!! It doesn't seem possible that your so far away from me now!! Ohio sucks for taking my best friend. But i know God has extreme and amazing plans for your life. I am so sad you have moved away!! Whose gonna tie my shoes when I am to lazy to do it myself?? ;) Who is going to rub Jbears hair with me now? Or run in the snow at camp attempting to stay dry (even though Jbear left us alone). Now I'll never remember the lyrics to "You Never Let Go"!! Or be able to rationally explain why "Sweetly Broken" is now "At the Cross". Dude your the best!! I Miss You SO Much!! No worries though I can just stalk Evan Wickham alooooooone! I can handle the gangsta rap too! I'll do it for you and videotape it!! You can sit there in your huge Ohio house and laugh it up. Because truth is it was supposed to be a gangsta WALK!! Or maybe I can chase you with cake and rub it in your face (yeah yeah that was epic)! Now every time you see a shower cap your going to think of me, however for the sake of my dignity I won't go into detail here! Just imagine and flash back to your 14th birthday party. Next time you come back home we will do a random search for Mark (the fox guy) and we will get his last name out of him. Anyways, I am so going to stop here before I bring up something I will really regret. So I will end by saying thanks for always being a good friend and never leaving me. You were there through a lot and I am thankful! You never stopped listening to me ramble about well whatever that is I talk about ;). You got me when I didn't even get myself *laughs*!! Oh friend it has been a long, fun, and joyous friendship and I am glad no matter what we will always be friends! May God bless you gf as you walk this new journey of your life. Always remember I will always be here for you.
I Love You and I hope to see you soon.
Love Always Ayana<3

Thank You Jesus!!

There are many things this beautiful day that bring a smile to my face and a thankful heart. One special reason is that my uncle Emac is still alive. Earlier this week Emac was driving home from a gig and was really tired. He started to nod off and his car veered off unto the gravel area of the freeway. It awoke him immediately as his car spun leaving him facing the oncoming traffic. Thankfully because it was so late at night there wasn't anyone on the freeway. He was able to turn the car backaround and get back on the freeway without being hurt.
Thank you Jesus for protecting my Uncle.
Giving God The Glory,
Ayana <3

Merry Christmas

I have sat here today trying to find a way to adequately express my feelings. Sure this is a tight holiday because of it's real meaning, but today there is much sorrow with much joy attached. Weird I know!!! For most this is a joyous holiday and for other's not so much. Last Christmas around this time to be exact I was enjoying the company of Donna Thompson. Now I sit here miles away from my dear friend. I read Greg Laurie's blog this morning seeing that he is dealing with the same thing I am. He stated that sometimes heaven seems so close while others it seems as distant as possible. It's so true!! When I want her back is when it seems so distant. Than when I think of her beautiful face it seems so close. Plainly, IT STINKS. I am rejoicing constantly for her but not a day goes by that I don't mourn MY loss. Donna's passing was her gain my loss. Still there is Joy for me as I know it was simply God's will. I guess I say all this to lead up to my point that life is precious!! Just one year ago today Donna was with me and doing great. Now one year later she is in heaven and the coolest thing......she is STILL doing great. Greg said it best but in my own words don't let your loved ones be friends or family go on not knowing how much they are loved. This life is real and we only get one shot at it, don't regret it when it one day flashes before your eyes. Merry Christmas and May We Always Stay Focused On Jesus's Birth!!
In Grace and Love
Ayana <3

2 Additions

I wanted to add that in 2008 we added 2 new family members :).

Sarah and E-mac Lizardo brought us:

Nathan Lizardo :)

Than Denielle (my sister) got married to Paul :) giving us an awesome brother in law.

I am so happy to have both of these people in my family. I love you both and can't wait to see what the Lord does in our lives.

God Bless :)

Best Gift This Year....

Yes the gift of Jesus is by far my favorite Christmas gift and I get it everyday what JOY!!! But this year I received a gift that above anything else I have gotten or will get is my favorite. No other material gift could compare to this. One of my friends from the CM worship team bought me this and I proudly wear it everyday:

It may be hard to see but in the 2 fishes and cross there are tiny MUSTARD SEED'S. Than there is the other pendant which reads "The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed

which a man took and sowed in his field". The reason this is may favorite gift this year is because Donna always had faith the size of a mustard seed. She made it known to the world that if she had faith just that size God would bless and bring her through. The greatest thing about her faith and assurance was God did exactly what he said he would. She believed and God followed through. May this be an encouragement to you that if you can have faith that small God can move mountains in your life as he did in Donna's.

God Bless and May you have FAITH and BELIEVE always

Love Ayana <3

Heyyyyy :)

It's been a few days but it feels like decades ;). Christmas week is just always super busy at my house. Between the ccea potluck, church, preparing for family, and just getting ready we have been pretty busy. I like it though sure it's stressful but I love it. The potluck was amazing!! I was okay for the most part :). I handled it all well but only by God's strength. Debra told me right before we started to remember who I am doing it for and not who helped me get there. So encouraging!! Of course I kept Donna on the front of my mind but it all brought a smile to my face, as the song played and memories of her replayed in my mind. Wooooohoooooo =D. Jess is leaving in less than a week :(. Not handling that all to well, but I know God has a plan. I will try to post a slideshow or something for her later. It's hard to believe 15 years into our lives were being seperated. It's great to be able to talk about all this on here cause I don't like talking about it in person.
Thanks for listening Love Yah <3

Revolving Ministry ;)

As some of you know I served in the children's ministry at my church for 6 years. Last year around June God told me it was time to leave. I was somewhat excited about this =p. Not for long though he had more plans for me and this ministry. I served tonight because we were short handed and I made a decision. I was starting to feel guilty for not serving anymore and decieded it was "time". So yes I'm back :). Not where I was serving before (AWANA was not God's plan :). I really enjoy Saturday nights at church and am way excited to see what God does in my new ministry.
Love Ayana :)

urgent prayer request

I don't even have the words to speak at the moment. My aunt who has Sarcoma (a form of cancer) isn't doing good and we don't think she is going to make it. She is my great aunt and our family needs prayer. I am relatively close with her and I can't imagine losing her. Please pray for our family as most of them are not christians. She is a solid christian :) thank God!! So please pray for peace and healing IF IT'S GOD'S WILL!! We only want it if it's God's will. Medically Docters don't think she will make it. Sarcoma is a type of cancer that once it leaves still comes back.
Thanks everyone I LOVE U
God Bless!!
In Grace and Love
Ayana

2008 In Review

I sit here writing this in complete awe of 2008. It has defiantly been a year filled with excitement, laughter, tears, and new adventures.
Jan-May
In January I started my first semester of theatre arts at my HS =D and it become my favorite class. Than in February I went for the first time to camp with my youth group. It was a beautiful trip full of snow, new friendships, refreshing old ones, and surrender to God. I grew so much in the Lord at that camp and gave so many things that were pulling me down up to him. March was fantastic as I had yet another opportunity to take a missions trip to Mexico. It was one of the coolest trips down there. March and April continued with much devotion to my performance for theater class titled "Broadway Rocks". Also in April I attended prom at school (my first dance). May approached fast and It was a difficult month. My freshman year was coming to an end and I was working overtime to finish with good grades. Than two weeks before school end my 18 year old cousin passed away. It was difficult for me on many levels. Around four days after his passing, one of my Pastor's wife passed away. I was grieving very heavily by this time. May ended on much of a sadder and more difficult note for me.
June-August
June started off pleasantly as I starred in "Broadway Rocks". It was such a pleasure and privilege to be in this production. June was filled with many trips to the pool, a purity conference, time with friends, and yes my second job. July came quicker than any of us here at CCEA expected and once again it was time for VBS. I felt the Lord's calling on worship and joined the VBS "super group" (don't ask!!). VBS as usual although tiring was the best part of my summer by far. I was ready for a whole new week after it was all over. In August I got asked to be a counselor for the Harvest Crusade which I said yes to. I went to down on the field to counsel and ended up leaving everything I was dealing with personally there. Huge weight lifted off of my shoulders and a BEAUTIFUL experience. Summer ended with a couple of pool party's and time with friends.
September- December
Oh to wrap up the hardest yet amazing four months of my life. I got baptized for the second time now that I am older. It was so wonderful to be baptized by my two youth pastors, what a joy! I turned 15 and was overjoyed about it, ask anyone =D. Things started to become increasingly difficult in September and I started having a hard time being motivated. My close friend was battling cancer and for the first time in my life I had to deal with it. On October 16th 2008, Donna went home to meet her maker. It was a hard road for me as I tried to grasp this idea. Two days into my mourning another cousin (from the same side as before) passed away from cancer as well. As you probably understand these past few months have brought me to my knees in tears begging my Jesus for comfort. God is good though and he granted me peace. Now I face another hard tribulation as I watch my best friend since Kindergarten move away.

Yes it has been a difficult and long hard year. However, it has also been joyous and beautiful. I am ever so grateful for this year and the difficulties it has brought. I love you all and May God Bless you in 2009.
In Love and Grace
Ayana <3

Understanding

I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for direction with the church's Christmas potluck and I have an answer. I am not all that sure it was the answer I was looking for but I am positive it is God's will =D. I asked God clearly that he would show me if I need to be leading the kids or not. It became apparent one night probably around one in the morning as I was on my knees in deep prayer!! He showed me that this was part of the healing process and I needed to obey him. I know it will be somewhat difficult but it's life and mourning is all apart of it. I have slowly taken the time to listen to Offering and just let out my tears. It's been great and I have so much excitement and joy for the potluck. I want to do my job as a CM worship leader. I love Donna and know she would want me to carry on and keep praising my Jesus.
Glory to God for his love and direction
Love Ayana

Found these.....

15th birthday party people oh yah talk about fun!! ;)

Giving Thanks Day 30

I am thankful for many things today :) here we go
My parents: I love them so much I can't thank them enough for all they do!! Bubbles: my oldest bro i love him so much. Denielle: I miss my sista she needs to come home i luv her infinity ;). Paul: I am thankful for the newest addition to our family :) I am glad to call you bro-in law. Topher: I am so thankful for this kid we may fight a lot but its all good. Zahya: He brightens up my day and I love him. Betso: I enjoy sharing my room with you and I am thankful for your life. Lele: What to say to show my love and thankfulness for this girl?? Shes is by far the smartest baby. Clay: He is like my brother and I am so thankful for him he's given so much to help keep me strong and be a good friend. He's watch me go through a lot and although it's been hard he never left me :). Zach: or zacheus hahaha he is also like my bro ;). I am so glad to call him friend. I am thankful that he never left me either through the hard times. He's also very encouraging and that is something that makes me so happy =D. All of my friends who have dedicated so much of themselves to me :). Above all I am thankful God forgave my sins and showed me grace. I am also thankful he accepted me and took me in to be his child =D

The Love Of My Life

He's most definitely also the joy of my life. He always brings a smile to my face and makes me happy when I hold his precious little life in my arms. Nathan who just turned three months old is my littlest and favorite cousin shhhhhhhhhhhhh ;). I was like idk 2 doors down when he was born and I feel so privileged. It was so different this time around when someone close to me had a baby. It was the first time I was old enough to help with him and really appreciate it. Sure I helped with Boo and Heeb's but this was different I really got to be apart of his life in an incredible way. I thank his wonderful parents (my aunt and uncle) for sharing Nana's little with me :). Below are some pic's of my wonderful prince Nathan.

I love you baby :) <3

Giving Thanks Day 26-29

Day 26: Britt i love ya sissy :)

Day 27: Ali :) and her loving friendship

Day 28: My new friend Morgs :)

Day 29: My Grandpa Tom ;)

Happy 2 Months =D

Today Donna is celebrating 2 months in heaven :). I just wanted to wish her a happy anniversary. This makes a whole 2 months with no pain from her cancer. Hopefully you and Jesus are dancing (okay so your probably not wearing a bandanna and orange vest). I love you my friend and hope you are having the time of your life ;) not that I have much to worry about :).

PS: I am still picking up hot pink feathers......... Steve's grandaughter is making a mess =D

Dear Friend,

I just wanted to say I miss you so very much. I wish my clothes were as white and sparkly as yours! I wish my streets were paved with Gold, I am so jealous dear friend. I wish I was at that big reunion your having right now. I wish I was by your side singing "Wonderful Maker". I wish I was helping you take care of the beautiful children up there. I wish I could here your voice say "Ayana" one more time. I wish I could hug your cancer free body. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me. I wish I could ask you a million and one questions. I wish I could tell you that I love you more than you would ever know. But as for now I am stuck here and your up there. So I am gonna have to settle and just be patient. I can do that now though becuase I know you are healed and that your smile is no longer forced. I love you sweet friend and I am patiently waiting until God brings us together again.
Love Your Little Ayana <3

The Joys Of Being.....

SHORT!!
So today was a very very long day at the E.R., we went at 12 this afternoon and got out around 6 tonight. All the time was spent in a room (room 43 to be exact) waiting for Bett's blood work to come back and her to "drink" her ivy. After about 45 minutes of us being there Bett got really thirsty. My mom just stared at me and I was like what do I do?? She was all find a drinking fountain!! Simple yet not so simple task, I couldn't find just ONE! So I was all uh Bett?? and she just kept moaning for water. My mom was like oh hey there's water in the car, go out and get some. So at our hospital they have Valet parking so I took my ticket and asked "may I have the keys to my car". They guy at the valet was totally joking but was like uh your not old enough to drive!! I said nah it's not my car and actually I am old enough to drive. I promise I have never seen such a shocked look on someones face before. He was like uh nooooo and I was like yes yes I am. He didn't believe me!! He told me I didn't look like I was 15 and that I'm scaring him. Yep!! That was my day getting carded for being an under age driver............. and I wasn't even driving. Oh well I can see where the rest of my driving career is going =p.
-Love Ayana :)

For Joshie and Morgs <3

Okay so I love these two and thought I'd write about how I met both of them =D. Josh's is a little longer than Morgs cause I have known him longer *laughs* ;).



Morgs: I met Morgs 3 weeks ago in MY biology class. She was taking pictures for the yearbook and I called her over to my lab table. I was like hey Morgan I'm Ayana and I really really really wanted to meet you. She was all awwwwwwwwwwww :). Yup and the rest is history =D. However, I will comment on why I randomly called her name in class. I have known of Morgs since I first started attending my HS. I convinced myself I would meet her as soon as possible. It would have been way to awkward any other times, but that day in Bio was perfect. I didn't know much about Morgs but I knew 3 things for sure. 1: she's a solid christian, 2: she loves to laugh, and 3: I wanted so desperately to be her friend. I would and did anything =D it was comical but priceless. I love ya Morgs



Joshie: Oh dear friend do we have a story to tell the lovely people reading my blog?? Here we go home's here we go. I joined theatre arts 1 spring semester of my freshman year (my life has officially changed since that day). I only knew a few people my first day and was slightly nervous. Ali helped me the first day and kinda pointed people out. After that day before the next week Josh and I met over the Internet (the way any good student at our school meets except me and Morgs cause it was special). Anyways, we met over the Internet and it took two weeks before we met in person due to technical difficulties ;). I have something to admit (josh only knows part of this). But the first time I met him i was instantly "in love". Skipping and moving on ;). Josh and I had our ups and downs throughout our relationship. I messed with his head to much and yeah yeah Josh messed with mine. Just another one of our friendship quirks that doesn't make sense!! I have gone through some stellar stuff lately and Josh has always been there for me. He listened to me cry, talked about my loved one's death, and been there to tell me everything was Gods will. It's almost been a year and though it's been a hard, weird, crazy, and chaotic. It's been way awesome!! Thanks Mr. Miller for the laughs and hugs. U the best supa Josh!! (catch that new nick name!! ;0)

Theatre Arts 2 Issues ;)

So I took note today of some of out theatre arts class issues. We just have a few minor ones that can be taken care of easily.

1. We are all so crazy. One person says something funny and we all burst into laughter its horrible!! I mean I like it however we really need to learn to contain ourselves.



2. I have an issue with a certain scene, where I am supposed to tell Matt with attitude my line. See the problem is Josh Miller: http://www.theocjosh.com/ ( did I embarrass you???) stands next to Matt and has a tendency to make me laugh. We could be as serious as possible and I still laugh. So i guess I need to work on that.......so I don't bust at the actual performance...... :)



3. The fairy group (aka my group =p) needs HELP!



Amazing things about theatre class



1. The sense of family we all have ;) *ariana where are my pretzels*- jessica *looks down at her hands*- ariana *ARIANA*- jessica *sorry there soooo good I forgot they are yours*- ariana ;) yahhhh yahhhh i steal peoples food



2. Being able to hang out and be accepted by everyone. :)

3. Laughing, Laughing, and Laughing...........Hysterically...............

4. Having Mr. Koff as a teacher

5. The energy on set........... its awesome........ keeps you going.... gives you something to laugh about.................... its great =DDDDD

Giving Thanks Day 23-25

Day 23:
my sweatshirt collection:)

day 24: youth group and the friendships and joy its brought

day 25: my school and the wonderful teachers :)))))

Giving Thanks

Day 20:
i am thankful for all of God's rich blessings upon my life day after day

Day 21: being accepted socially in my youth group even though It's been a hard road

Day 22: the opportunity to be a swimmer :)

Difficult Moments and Choices

Here I am again at square one, just when I think I got it all figured out I fine myself back where I started. I thought I healed from Donna's death and I would be the smiley, bubbly, happy Ayana everyone knows. WOW was I wrong. I learned last night that apparently pride comes before a fall. I wasn't attempting to be prideful, just trying to heal so I was myself again. Don't get me wrong I have done a lot of healing but there is one thing I still can't handle. Not to long ago in a recent post I stated the following: "I finally got back into worship which was a huge step for me. It hurt like crazy! I won't lie it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I ended up in tears as the raw memories came back". Yes, I lied to myself and I am coming before all of you now telling the truth. Sure I worked up the courage to lead worship for the first time after Donna's passing. However, that was the ONLY time I ever did it after everything happened. I had convinced myself that if I did it once I would be okay. I was but the fact of the matter is I never did it again. I kept telling myself before church each week "you need to lead worship tonight". But when that real opportunity was there, I pushed away as quietly as I could. I knew I wasn't going to be able to face this fear yet (sad truth, I know). Last night I was put in a position that made it nearly impossible to escape. We were short handed in the children's ministry and I didn't want to be at church. The leaders in desperate need asked me to help in the third grade class. I complied and everything was okay until we walked the kids to Court of Praise for worship. We started practice with the kids for the all church Christmas potluck. The worship team ( which I obviously was not a part of last night) did the Mariah Carey song and went on to offering. When the song offering started to play I told myself I wouldn't have a problem with this song. Yet once again I WAS WRONG so wrong :(. I ran out of the COP fighting back the tears, that I so desperately wished would go away. I don't understand how to handle this. I don't know if I will make it through to the potluck. How am I supposed to lead the kids in front of our whole congregation if I am not even strong enough to hear the song?? Lastly, I have no idea if I will ever step foot on that stage again and lead the sweet kids in worship to my saviour. At first I told myself that I needed to continue in worship in Donna's honor. However, at this point the signs are unclear and I have no idea where to step from here. If I make my next step and It's not of God I would be so upset. I need clarity as that is so evident :). Please friends think of me in your prayers as I make to important decisions.
Love Ariana <3

She Did It!!!!!!!!!

Lele did she was the first to break something in our family :). Yes the baby, we have had fractures and sprains but no breaks 0-O so lele did it. We were so proud yesterday, while we were sitting in the ER she was so happy :). Yeah that's my Lele always so happy and I have pictures to prove it. She did so well they put it in a splint and she only cried a little. I think she was just uncomfortable with the doctor putting it there ;). Well we are off to get her beautiful pink cast but I had to tell u the somewhat amazing story.
God Bless
Love Ayana <3

Giving Thanks Day 19

Today I am thankful for my freedom to worship my saviour :)

Giving Thanks Day 18

Today I am thankful for the wonderful Men and Women fighting for my freedom. THANK YOU!!!

Day 17

Today I am thankful for the opportunity to sing on the High School worship team :). It is such an honor and I am beyond privileged.

Day 16

Today I am thankful for Jessica :). She has been a close friend since we were 4 and shes never left me. Come to think of it we have never had any drama!! I am thankful for her role model and support. I will miss you greatly dear and I am so mad at the state of Ohio for taking my close friend.

Thanks Day 15

Today I am thankful for my friend Victor :). He is a great and loving friend. Can't wait to see ya =D