Merry Christmas

Happy Birthday Jesus!! <3
"But the Angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:10-13

2009 :)

Most of you kinda know what happened to me this year. So I am choosing to sit down and give it all from a new refined perspective. The truth is looking back on the year now everything just seems different.
January-March
Hah where do I begin?? At the very beginning of this year I appeared in Mid Summer Nights Dream and went to my second youth retreat. At the beginning of February my Mom was diagnosed with Diverticulitis, this was hard for me to work through at first. With that came some hard stuff, it revealed the yuck of my heart. Having been in a state of recovery from my depression/suicide attempt, the Lord did something amazing. Having lost everything that was important to me in late 2008 God was pulling me out of that mess. When I lost my group of friends at church and my connection with the church, I chose to leave my church. After talking it through with an adult, it was clear the Lord wanted me to stay put. I didn't know why or really how I was gonna make it but I made a promise to the Lord that night to stay at my home church. This is just a small bit of my testimony. March was an entire month of intense training in both evangelism, the Bible, and witnessing tools.
April-June
In April the Lord took me to San Francisco. A place that to be completely honest, I never thought I'd go. It was an awesome trip of full out missions work. As I poured into the community the Lord blessed me abundantly. I was faithful to the promise I made in February and God was faithful to bless me. He gave me amazing friends again!! Something I really didn't think I was going to gain back that fast and better than that he mended many broken friendships. God did a huge work in my life in San Francisco. I didn't want to leave, but he gave me the strength to trust him and get through it. Upon leaving San Fran I started talking a lot with another student named Evan ;). It was a simple friendship and awesome spiritual talks, just in total awe of what Jesus had just done on the trip. However, God had different plans for that relationship and after about two weeks of talking we realized how much we liked each other. We waited on the Lord and got to know each other for all of May and June. In May I appeared in yet another show.... Bye Bye Birdie and was honored with a lead role for the first time. June was a busy month of fundraisers and hard work for Ireland. It was a month of learning to trust my Jesus all over again, allowing him to be my great provider. As I stressed through some of my biggest payments for Ireland the Lord worked through all of them. At the end of the month I went to the hospital to say goodbye and to minister to my Aunt in her final days of life.
July-September
It was one of the best years of VBS as I saw many incredible things happen. July 29th, I took off on a plane and I went to Ireland. God had totally blessed my trip and paid the way entirely!! I don't know how to summarize those moments in Ireland (amazing how I still can't articulate what the Lord did). Lets just say many life's were changed and mine being one of them. One of the biggest sacrifices I faced going to Ireland was my Aunt. She was quickly fading and I had no idea if she would pass while I was halfway across the world. God blessed that as well and she survived until four days upon my return home. It was more than difficult I couldn't cry and I couldn't respond in a way that made sense. I kept to myself for around two weeks after her death (for heavens sake I was still jet lagged and grieving at the same time). In September just a week before my birthday we had her memorial service. I chose to speak at it something I had no intentions of doing. But I had promised her that day in the hospital that I would tell her family that she had gone home to meet Jesus. I turned sixteen in September and got the greatest birthday present man could give. I was blessed with the news that I am going to be an Aunt in 2010!!
October-December
These past three months have been both trying and amazing. The Lord has put things in my path that I never expected. He has guided me through all of them and I am thankful. My cousin Josh died early October and his passing brought a hard thing to the table after having just lost his mom in September. On October 18th after getting my parents permission, Evan asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so stoked it felt like decades that we had waited on the Lord and prayed (though it had only been six months ;). The Lord has blessed me with amazing grades this semester and I am now preparing to end my first semester of Junior year (crazy huh?). I am grateful for such an amazing year. I am thankful the Lord has pulled me out of the misery and sin of depression. I am thankful he removed the veil of deception and gave me worth in him. I found myself in God this year and for that I am ever grateful. I am thankful that Jesus has blessed my family and friends with good health and taken home the one's who were suffering far to much. I am thankful for another year in the presence of the Lord!
Be Blessed in 2010
Much Love, Ayana <3

Plans for 2010

I really don't have any right now. It's just kinda scary. I mean I have two shows lined up and a retreat, but otherwise I am kinda coming up empty there. This time last year I knew what two places I would be going on missions trip, which shows I would be doing, and other important things. It was kinda like I had all of 2009 planned out. Let me just tell you though that many things came my way that was not included in my plan. Donn't get me wrong it was awesome! Those things the little one's that Jesus threw into my plan to make it his, well I learned from those and enjoyed many of them too :). So here I sit, sixteen days away from the new year completely wondering what it is the Lord has for me. I don't have any missions trips lined up and as much as I want to return to Ireland, I am just not sure about that yet. This all brings me to my point. I don't have any big plans for 2010 and even though that's scary/weird, it's pretty exciting. Not knowing where I am going or what I am doing. Knowing that I am going to have to fully trust in the Lord and allow him to be my guidance. 2010 is my last full year living at home. I just kinda want to make the best of it. With all that said, I am simply leaving this all in the hands of my heavenly Father. Praying for Gods guidance and instruction. So it is indeed an exciting time ah ed of me :).

Service

Is it possible to loose sight of the true meaning of servant hood even in the middle of serving. Is it possible to run so fast you forget whose fame your running for? Is it possible to get so into what you're doing you forget who your doing it for? Are we waisting our time serving if no love pours from us? What happens when we run dry on Gods love and no longer now how to give that?? How is it that we become so far removed from Gods will that we can't even see we aren't honoring him anymore? Serving God is not merely external it reaches way deep inside. So deep that it often reveals the intentions and convictions of the inter most being of our heart. When were faced with that choice to love service for the right reasons. For reasons that go beyond our own glory and fame. To loose ourselves in serving is the true meaning of servant hood. And until we are willing to loose everything about ourselves and let go of our desires, being a servant will not come natural. Choosing to not compromise and being willing to listen to the convictions of our heavenly Father. Learning to love others who are hard to love and learning to assume the role of a Godly leader. This becomes a daily sacrifice and one that leads us into eternal servant hood. I pray today that I choose to walk in the path of true servant hood to my Jesus attempting to not stray but stay on that narrow path.

December!! :)

It's December already. I can't believe it, time is just going by so fast. I'm excited about it being Christmas time though, I just absolutely love it!! I have just been super busy and consumed with rehearsals. I got sick again this week, I suppose it was just that time again. We have had some crazy cold weather unlike most winters lately. I have pretty much enjoyed that except for getting sick from it. My body flips out in extreme cold weather, it's quite comical. Anyways, rehearsals have been crazy and like we only have 3 more before our actual show. Two of which are technical, so that leaves us with one full rehearsal. I am assuming none of this makes sense, so I shall sum it up. My show is fast approaching and that all just scares me :). It's just insane to think it's already here, I have worked so hard on this and in two nights it will be over. It's the joys of acting, you pour time into something and than it's over quickly. Moving on, I got my costume!!! Haven't seen it yet, but I have it (always important to have ;). It is a pretty renaissance dress, that yes I have not seen. Our costume director is getting it for me :). I have been keeping busy by writing a book about my testimony. Don't have to much information on that yet but it has been pretty exciting to write. That is all for now I have tons of make up home work from being sick :(.
Talk to you lovely bloggers soon,
Love Ayana :)
PS: In case you were wondering Evan is doing great!! :)

Learning to Love like God is the hardest thing! But it molds us more into the image of the one who died for our sins. Isn't that promising!

Thank God for trials and hard stuff. They bring us closer in our relationships. Praise the Lord!!

Genesis and the lessons

I have been reading through the book of Genesis lately and have really enjoyed learning all about the beginning of time. It has been really intense to read through what the Lord has done in the past and kinda just reading history. I really really hate the subject of history in school, but give me biblical and church history and I can't get enough. Anyways, I am only a couple chapters into the book and man have I learned so much. I heard it said before that if you just read Genesis, your entire life will make sense. I hadn't really thought much about it until now, when I am taking the time to reflect on the lessons of Genesis. I must say one of the really cool things is that it has both a lot of rich history as well has the power, love, and fullness of God. I wanted to talk about a couple of things that I have taken note of that really made sense to life in general. So I decided to create a timeline of sorts to display what exactly happened at the beginning of the world and how it makes sense to life today.

Chapter 1: God creates the entire world. He sees that it is good but it is missing something... man
Chapter 2: God creates man, sees that he is good but is still lacking something. He then creates woman.
Chapter 3: So here's where it gets yucky and the most important piece of history vital to understanding life comes in. Man sins, the first ever sin recorded in the Bible. In verse 1 satan questions God's words to the woman, pushing her to question God. Then the next two verses are the scary stage of sin where she begins to contemplate and question. In verse 4 satan hurdles a lie at Eve telling her she will not die if she eats of the fruit. Which we all know very well that it is NOT true. Not even two verses later.... she commits the sin. But let me point out the sin was "desirable" and "delightful", making it true that sin always comes in a pretty package. Then in verse 8 (after Adam sins too) they are forced to hide because they become ashamed in front of the Lord. There you have it my friends, the process of sin. Pretty simple if you ask me. But there is still so much more to grab from this one passage about life. Verse 16 explains childbirth. Verse 18 explains why we have to take care of the ground, why things don't grow supernaturally like they first did. Nothing is anymore how it was planned to be. Animals have begun to eat each other... something that wasn't in the beginning. There was peace on earth. Now man has become a meat eater versus a vegetarian as Jesus planned. Our bodies and the needs of them all changed. Everything changed with one single sin and this is why life is the way it is today. Sin continued with every person that was recorded in the Bible and who wasn't.

I found this all so interesting and thought I would share it with you. It just gives so much wisdom and understanding into life and why it is this way.
Love Ayana <3

Last two days of being thankful

Not that I am done being thankful ;) just here on my blog..... everyday.... okay this is coming out all wrong tehee. Anyways, this has been super fun and I am super happy I was able to do it!!
Day 29: Today I am thankful for everyone of my amazing friends that I didn't have a chance to mention individually,

Day 30: Today I am thankful for my cousins, for God's unending love, for the chance to serve God, for His protection, for the trials of life, and every single gift He has so abundantly blessed me with.

Thankful day 28 and pics :)

Today I am thankful for my brother K :)

Pictures from my weekend with the girls

Silence does indeed have a sound and that sound often shouts louder than an angry cry. Or the good silence speaks more softly then the voice that says its ok!

Fun thanksgiving :)

I really had an awesome thanksgiving. It's been super hard for me this year to not see this as all frivolous. I mean I am way thankful to be so abundantly blessed (I did have 2 dinners), but somewhere in the midst of it all I feel somewhat guilty! Okay so I am not making sense but I am trying really really hard!!! I suppose it's just my heart, my heart for those who don't have family and don't have food. I'm not sure I am articulating this properly, but it's jut some things that were crossing my mind this holiday season. I suppose they will continue to cross my mind over the next month. Anyways, onto my day :). Evan and I went to his family's house around 1:30 and spent time with his family until around 4ish and than headed to meet my family. Than we hung out with my family until around 10 :). It was really fun and did I say yummy (the food was yummy ;). It was really great to just be with the family and relax (hanging with the family is rare for me). Anyways that brings me to what I am thankful for today. Today I am thankful for the rare gift of family and friends and the special moments we share :).

Thankful 25-26

Day 25: Today I am thankful that Jesus has given all of his children a distinct testimony and is writing my story ( I know I'm in good hands)

Day 26: Today I am thankful that we are free as a country

Thankful Day 24

Today I am thankful for my amazing and loving grandparents

Identity

I searched for an Identity for so long. I searched in popularity, in academics, in sports, in guys, in hobbies, in servant hood, in family, in friends, in appearance, and in wealth. In the end each of these things only left me empty and depressed. They drove me to suicide because these things only brought a temporary high. I sought them in a way that was apart from Jesus. They may work for a little but in the end they only bring destruction. The one place I never searched was the almighty saviour, Jesus Christ. When I finally chose to search for my identity in Jesus, I found who I really am! So now I no longer search in the things of this world, cause I know now they don't satisfy. I search in my heavenly Father and he shows me just who I am. Now I enjoy in the proper way, the things I once tried to use to make up my identity. Although they are apart of my life they will never be apart of my identity. I can see in a clear full view who I am. And if I am ever to forget I choose to search the Bible instead of the latest style. I no longer walk by the trust of my own mind but the all knowing compass of my Makers heart. I choose to pray to my heavenly Father instead of turning to my friends, expecting them to show me who I am. I am a sinner saved by the blood of Jesus. I am a child of God seeking to serve him. I am a missionary because my Father has a heart for reaching the lost. My life purpose is to mirror my Father and to do my best to honor him. I am a poor and wretched person who is made rich in Gods fullness and Grace. I am loved by a king that I have never seen. I am chosen by the Almighty Creator and that is who I am. That is my identity!

Thankful Day 23

It's hard to believe it has been 23 days since I started this, it's gone by so fast. Having to write down a different thing each day has been thought provoking and really fun!!

Day 23: Having a fun weekend with just girls, it was really awesome!! :) pictures to come

Day 20-22

Day 20 My amazing beautiful wife ;) siaira :)
Day 21 Taylor Shales and her amazing family :)
Day 22 My youth group

Thankful Day 19

Today I am thankful for my amazing older brother Bobby :)

Thankful day 18

Today I am thankful for Jerry and Cheryl and the entire amount of blessings they have been in my life. I am so sad to see them leave. Julie and Todd get them in AZ :(! But :) excited to see what the Lord has in store.

"Be still and know that I am God"- Psalm 46:10

Thankful Day 17

Today I am thankful for my friend Christian :). He's crazy fun!!

Thankful Day 16

Today I am thankful that Cancer can not prevail against my mighty saviour. In the end HE WINS!!!
All Glory to Him

Thankful Day 15

Today I am thankful for Gods diligence to always show us grace, mercy, and his will for our life.

Thankful Day 13 & 14

I don't know how I missed a day?? WEIRD! :)
Day 13: My amazing church and the loving amazinnggggggg congregation

Day 14: Evan's wonderful family and the God blessed and ordained friendship there!

Thankful Day 12

Today I am thankful for my amazing friend Alison :) I really don't know what I'd do without her. She's such a sweetheart and she too adds life to drama class. Love u my bear

Thankful Day 11

Today I am thankful for all of our military Veterans and what the gave up for us. Especially my Father. Love you All!!!

Thankful Day 10

Today I am thankful for my beautiful friend Ellis. She is so amazing and gives life to our drama class ;). Love you girly <3..... "Don't make me fall off my bike" ;)

A Priceless Possession

My Bible is most likely the most priceless possession I own. I have had it for seven years and it is perfect. It is one of those things I can seriously say I would not know how to live without. Most earthly possessions are exactly that, earthly! However, I really believe that Gods word is something we can not live without. I am just extremely blessed to look at that Bible and think I have the privilege of actually owning one. As a missionary I am well aware of the lack of Bible supply around the world. Even just in my journey to Ireland, I came in contact with many who literally had no Bible. It seriously broke my heart! I think what broke my heart even more than that was the excitement when they were given a New Believers Bible. It was just so amazing to see how excited a young person could get over having a Bible. It was also a huge blessing to see that Joy, it proved a lot. Anyways, all that to say I look at my Bible and I simply am blessed. There is no two ways around it, it is definitely something I can not put a price on. It may have only cost twenty five dollars but the price of it in my heart will remain forever unspeakable. Another part of my Bible I love is just flipping through it and seeing all the underlined and highlighted verses, as well as the side notes here and there. The tear stained pages and the pages that are barely holding on from being read so many times. The way the bind of the Bible looks all old and crackly. It all just proves one thing. After everyday spent reading and trying to understand it all God has done a work. It shows that God is truth when he says that if we meditate on his word we will gain eternal things from that! This all simply came to mind one day as I looked at the pages, the pages of an entire book God breathed. It is amazing when you look at it in that light. Next time you pick up your Bible, think about it. Think about the when that book was first purchased and the change in your life since. If their has not been a change that you are not communicating with God enough. Pick it up and think real hard about every aspect of the best book ever written and I can guarantee you, it will change your life!!

Thankful Day 9

Today I am thankful for my wonderful best friend for life Jenna :).

Thankful Day 7 & 8

Missed yesterday :( must be my crazy life ;). Anyways.........

Day 7: My amazing small group leader Nicky

Day 8: My church and that I can call it home :)

Thankful Day 6

Today I am thankful for my brother in law and sister and the wonderful relationship we have! Thank you Jesus!!

Thankful Day 5

My amazing grandfather. I don't know how but he is just so filled with the wisdom of God and it baffles me :). He is such an amazing role model and I wish to be more like him! Thank you Jesus for giving me an amazing Grandpa.

Thankful Day 4

Today I am thankful for the Richardson, they truly are like my second family. I don't know what I would do without them!! God has truly blessed me with them

Thankful Day 3

Today I am thankful for the wonderful friend and person Evan is. I know I haven't really told that story to all you blogger's so I thought I'd take the time. I met Evan while working on a missions trip to San Fran in mid April (well actually that was when we started talking). Anyways, the past six months since the trip Evan and I spent time getting to know each other and waiting on the Lord for his timing for dating. We also spent that time seeking the Lord on what it really meant to date. He than (after getting my parents permission) asked me out on October 18th. Anyways, I am very thankful for his heart and love for the Lord and to serve him. For his Patience and true love he displays. For the best friend I have found in him and his willingness to wait on our Jesus.

A month of thankfulness!

I did this last year and it was super fun and thought provoking! So here I go for thirty days of thankfulness. Since I am already behind a day, I shall make up for it here :).

Day 1: Today I am thankful for the saving grace of my Jesus!! It is by his strength each day that I get by and no other way. Plus he saved me from a life headed straight to hell.

Day 2: My wonderful beautiful family. Their unfailing love and support through it all. I know it's been crazy lately between Ireland, Missions stuff, Rehearsals, School, and just driving me everywhere. They have been so supportive through it lately and I don't deserve it so I am totally thankful!!
I really wanta post a picture of their gorgeous faces but I am not allowed to so anyways LOL
Love Ayana <3

The past two months!!

It's really an amazing feeling for me to come here and totally just unload and journal. God has been doing such a work in my life and I am completely honored that he would choose me to go through these difficult situations so I can grow! It's been a good feeling to wake up every morning and just be thankful to the Lord for his abundant blessings. Anyways, just about two weeks ago I snapped out of my culture shock. Yes nearly two months upon coming home from Ireland and I barely got back into the swing of things. This really hit me differently than it hit others on the team. It was a unique experience I can guarantee you that changed my entire life. I understand that some of this is not making sense at the moment but it is really one of those things that I can only kinda put into words. You know, that unique work God does in your life and you can only share it to a certain extent?? Anyhow, it took weeks and nearly a month to begin to articulate and even talk about Ireland. It was extremely hard to come home and get back into the swing of having my own personal devotion time. That was something that was required of us and we had a set time that was structured. It really kept me on track plus I was with awesome fellow believers 24/7. So being home away from all that makes it complicated, you have to survive spiritually on your own. But than again we are never really alone which brings me to my next point! I was in a state of complacency trying to comprehend what the Lord did in Ireland and what I had just seen. The mighty work of a mighty saviour!! It's much to personal to explain it all and to be honest I really do not have the words. God brought me into a real cool place about two weeks ago! Somehow through some stuff that was going on in my heart the Lord reached down and showed me something. He showed me that I was gonna need to trust him in a couple areas to get through the time away from the Irish (however long that is). First that his loving arms will keep those kids close to him ( the never ending lesson) and second that he will calm my heart when I miss them more than words can say. We have an unspeakable bond and having zero contact with anyone there makes it very difficult. Jesus continues to reach down to me and give me peace even when things are hectic. God has shown me something vital to life regarding death. As a few of you know only four days after I returned home from Ireland, my beautiful Aunt went home to meet Jesus. Than only three weeks ago her son Josh passed away at the age of 35. The truth is that I have lost 6 people close to me in a year! This is super difficult for someone so young to handle, but God has been at work through it in a year. One thing I have come up with? Death was not supposed to be a natural part of life, I have stated this many times before. So I end with this it hurts and it hurts like crazy. However, it brings us closer with our Jesus as well as pressing our hearts to bring more people into his kingdom. I don't have the answers as to why I have had to deal with all this death and to be honest I am very happy I don't. I am not sure I would be able to handle or even fathom the answer. I am content to know my Jesus has a beautiful plan and loves me beyond measure.

That is all for now :)

Love Ayana <3

Update

Wow, so I haven't written in awhile and I have been wanting to for awhile lol. So I was at a party the other night and Stephanie told me she reads my blog and i was like =O and than Audrey told me she reads it so I decided to post. Uhm Stephanie wanted an update on my blog about this so why not! I have a boyfriend yes it's true lol. Uhmmm what else has been going down in life??? I just finished speed reading class this past week, got an A :). I got sick like I think two weeks ago. That was the first head cold of the season and not gonna lie, it felt good just to rest. Schools going really really good! I have been in crazy memorizing mode for "Night Chills", my next show. That performance will be on January 15th and 16th but we have to have most of it memorized before the end of November. Kinda sorta really hectic!! But yes it's fun. Uhmmmm hmmmmm lol this weekend is Halloween and I am pretty excited about that. I will fo sho post pics of my costume before heading off to hallelujah night.
Well that's all for now.
Lotsa Love, Ayana <3

Urgh!

I have all these drafts of blog posts that I have been meaning to write and haven't gotten around too. Ahhh life is just so nuts right now!!

My call at this time

It's been months and it feels like decades since I last stepped out onto the missions field. Not that this is a first, after October 5th 2008 until April 2009 I was called home instead of elsewhere. Than the Lord took me to wonderful places including San Fran and Ireland. But it was hard way way hard to be home for those six months and with absolutely no connection with the missions field. That was a very difficult time in my journey and I wasn't in any shape to leave my home. This time it's different, I don't feel a strong call to Mexico anymore. No matter where I go or what I do San Francisco is always on the front of my mind. I can't explain the connection God gave me with that place. My prayer since August has been that the Lord would lead me back there before the end of the year. I spoke with my host family and had arrangements to stay there. All I needed was to catch the flight and take the leap of faith to do a missions trip all alone. But God has been closing that door and to be honest I really don't know where I am headed when it comes to this. My prayer at the moment is that the Lord will show me whether my calling is Mexico or Local Outreach for December. However, putting that all aside God has been showing me one thing in my two months away from the field........ this is my mission field and right now it's my family. It is to come alongside my parents and help them. To be the best witness I can be to my brothers and sisters. And most importantly to be fervently praying for my family. For the wayward and for strength for my parents to continue in the amazing job they are doing. And yes in answer to your last question..... God is doing amazing work in my life and breaking me, re-shaping me, and showing me his plan slowly. So for now this is where God wants me, at home ministering to my family and youth group. He is doing a great work in me and I know he is preparing me for something. So I trust that in his timing he will take me out of this current field and into another. Until than I praise him and flourish where he has planted me. Make the most of every moment he has given me and learn important things that I can use to minister to others. I share all of this with a heart of humility, as the Lord has humbled me greatly through it.
Love Ayana <3

Holy Father, continue to break me! Mold me Dear Lord! And please through this don't allow me to fall away. Hold me tight and stop me when I run. Amen!

Beautiful In God's Eyes

Hmmm, where do I begin?? If I were to sit here and write every single thing in detail that the Lord has been showing me, well we'd be here all day. :) Not sure if anyone has that kinda time =p. Anyways, Jesus has been breaking me a lot lately. Showing me the hard stuff and humbling me through it as well. That my friends is really a story for a different day. Since my return from Ireland, the Lord has placed a urgent need in my heart to begin to learn how to become a woman of God. I think it was the example the sweet leaders in Ireland were showing as well as the beautiful strength of my Mother. I recently started reading Proverbs 31 and just finished the other day. That was a hard chapter to read, to pick apart every verse and what that really means. God showed me through that just a small glimpse of what it means to be a Godly wife, how to run my home, support a husband, and be an overall servant. Not saying any of this like I am expecting to get married in the next few years, but when and if God chooses to bless me with that I will be trained in who to be. Than this past Sunday Pastor Tony taught a sermon on the role of a woman according to God. It is disgusting and completely appalling to realize what the world is feeding us about the role of a woman. They say we are supposed to be at the top above our husbands and all men. So much for the scripture that says "wives submit to your husbands". Why are we changing the scripture, the one that is God breathed? Makes no sense to me, but that is the world we live in. The last thing is this amazing book I have been reading "Beautiful in Gods Eyes" by Elizabeth George. It is an amazing book and I would recommend it to anyone who is really seeking the Lord on being who they are created to be. It walks through the practical steps of becoming a woman of the Lord and clearly explaining Proverbs 31. With all that God is showing me on this topic of being the girl he has called me to, it also so difficult. It is such a journey and has become my number one mission right now!!

Hello October

Eeek I am so excited, it's finally October. I think I am most excited because Fall is my favorite time of the year. I woke up this morning to the beauty of wind and cool air =D. It's actually starting to feel like fall. October is usually a crazy month. I am not sure why. Maybe it's the rehearsals, the Hallelujah prep work, and intense school work. I am not to sure, I just know that October (yea even with the busyness) is my favorite month :). This October is unfortunetly bringing back some horrific memories. Memories of a situation I have yet to even work through. No, I haven't worked through the feelings, the grief, the sorrow, the regret, the confusion, and every other feeling death brings. Somehow in the midst of every difficulty God has given me the strength I didn't know I would ever have. The strength to make it into another October, a year after one of my life's hugest tragedy's took place. I guess even though I am extremely excited for fall, it's also a difficult and hurtful process. I was recently asked if every month on the sixteenth or every October would be hard. I didn't know how to respond, because I simply don't know the answer. I didn't know how I would make into another October let alone into a new week after the incident. I don't carry the answers to the hard things in life, but God does and that is why I keep going. He has a sweet and wonderful plan (why do we always loose sight of that?). And he's never gonna let go of me. So yes this past year has been a hard and painful journey, but God was always present. Even when it felt like I couldn't make it another hour and even when I was in pure denial of my loss. So the God I serve is an amazing one and I am here to say I am thankful for another October. I am looking forward to a new October and what the Lord has in store for me. I'll admit it's a bit scary......but He's On His Throne :)
Love Ayana <3

Watch how you treat others. Sometimes in our anger towards one thing we take it out on someone else pretending we'r angry with them.

"You need to stop comparing yourself to other people, because your always gonna fall short."

A few pics from our time

My sis and bro in law came out to visit this past weekend and we went to the beach for my birthday party. Here are a few pics from the day :)

The drive :)

Gorgeous Day!!!

Our toes.... we have an unspeakable bond :)

On the waterline... I LOVE THIS PIC!!

Me and the sorciglies :)

My "ughhhh" post

So I need to rant for like 5 minutes about how tired I am after drama. I AM ALWAYS TIRED!!! I sleep so long after, it's quite comical. Okay I suppose this rant is done. I just don't enjoy the fact that I'm always tired. Kay I'm done :).
LOVE YOU ALL!!!! <3

SIXTEEN!!!

Yes!! It's true, Today I turned sixteen. I am just as shocked as any of you. I mean, it's not that I didn't think I would make it to 16 it's just I didn't know it could come so fast. So I kinda took a trip down memory lane and thought I'd share it with ya'all!

Baby =P

2nd Birthday

What we did best when we were young... have fun :)

My roller skating days.....hehe

Road Trip to New Mexico

Those girls gave me the best 4 years of my life!!!!!

Washington D.C. with Mitch and Is. man I miss them :)

Graduation Photo's :)

Graduation!!!!

One of my first missions trips :)

My First HS show

My First Dance

Yes that was a tribute to ME :) no im not conceited I just thought it was cool

A long way

Ahh. Yes!! It's already September and yes almost a whole year later. Just a year ago, well just a year ago a lot of things were different. For starters Donna was still here with us and secondly I was a completely different person. Just now I forced myself to read the post "D Update" that was written just a year ago. It goes without saying that these past few months were the "opening up" stage. The stage in the grieving process where I began to actually be able to talk about the entire situation and to begin to use it as a witnessing tool. God has provided some unique opportunities to share my story with other's, but never without a tear. To think that it has been a year since my Mom sat down and had the hard talk with me is just crazy. It was only by God's strength that through the tears she was able to tell me that Donna was going to meet Jesus soon. This past year has been a long, hard, and eventful journey to healing. I am not going to sit here and tell you all that I have completely healed and everything's better. It's simply not true!! I still have those days where I can hear her voice and I cry. There are the moments a song comes on or an inside joke comes to mind. The times I slip into my CM worship shirt and I automatically feel a piece of me is missing. This is true, part of me has gone. Donna played a huge part in my life and therefore she became a part of who I am. Now as I have attempted to adjust to life without her, well much has changed. Once again I don't claim to have totally adjusted!! I still want to run in the office and tell her the latest thing God taught me. We did share those sweet talks about the Lord's work in my life. The funny thing now that I think about it, was that it never was about her. Always me!! She cared so much for me and never bothered to even talk about herself. WOW!!! Anyways, as I read that post I mentioned earlier I felt a sense of conviction. Where went that mentality?? The one that so believed God was completely in control. Does it take a 180 from my dying friend for me to see that??? Why couldn't I just see that by reading the story of Christ's death??? Or the parting of the red sea? I guess I say all this just to prove sometimes we have to "see" and "feel" to understand those things. Now as I face my heart a year after that statement was written, I am forced to remember that He remained in control in Donna's life. So I go out today, with that new mentality!!! SOO SOOO SOOO Meaningful.....
God Is In Control!!

My health-Prayer Request

This is just a quick prayer request regarding my health, I am not sure what's going on. We are hoping to get in sometime next week for me to be weighed again. A few specifics I am loosing weight rapidly and I am always tired. I was already tested for my thyroid and anemia so we really aren't sure. Thank you very much!!
Love Ayana <3

TRUST!!

It has been heavy on my heart to share more about my trip, however I have been dealing with "re-entry" and getting back into the swing of my life. I must share that it hasn't been easy and there have been days over the past three weeks that I wanted nothing more than to be back in Dundalk. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being home. But this is all still weird and seems so pointless. Everyday I miss being with the kids, seeing their smiling face's, teaching them the word of God, and showing them the Love of the Lord!!! So has the Lord refined me through the re-entry?? YES!! He's re-teaching me something vital to my life that he taught me in Ireland, TRUST! Trust was a huge theme from the time I started praying for the trip even until now. Beginning from the first meeting for the trip. I sat there with a paper in my hand that indicated the high amount of money I would need, to be apart of the team. I walked out of there and from that moment on I was in a battle to understand the reality of Trusting my Saviour. It continued to be the theme over the next few months before our trip. The time we had a huge payment due and I literally freaked out, it was through that the Lord taught me or started to teach me to trust. Towards the beginning of July when things started getting worse for my Aunt and I had no idea when I would loose her and how it would affect me. Three weeks before we left and the last of our payment was due.. All of those times...God was teaching me to trust and preparing me for an even bigger trust battle than I had ever fought. We left on July 29th and got to Ireland July 30th (yes I spent the night on a plane ;). There came a point in that 15 hour flight that I became home sick. I was scared in all reality to leave my home for 2 weeks and to know that everything was changing while I was gone. I was terrified to think that I could possibly loose my Aunt while I was gone. God started to show me on the plane the depths of the lack of trust I had in our relationship. Heart breaking, I KNOW!!!! It's not like he didn't call me there, provide the ENTIRE way, and take care of everything. He was clearly asking me why at this point, I hadn't realized he was going to take care of me and that I didn't need to fear. I wrestled with the Lord most of the plane ride, to understand how exactly I was to go about this "trust" thing. The moment we touched down in Ireland I felt this peace, a peace that almost whispered "Your right where I want you now GO, faithfully obey, and have fun!" It was really weird, but cool how God worked through that. Being there was also difficult, but only for the first four days. After those days and after I relearned to trust again, I was okay. Than came the sad part for every team member. We left the kids!!!! Of course we left them changed kids because of Jesus power, but we still miss them. Ohhhhhh, what a huge life lesson I learned once again on the plane ride and through this point in time. God is soooo goood, working so hard to keep me in line ;).

I look out and see a generation that's hungry. How can they stand in the presence of God and not realize it's Him their aching for??

Im reminded its okay 2 weep. Because Jesus wept 4 lazarus. Wow how sweet is that?

A Better Place

Today, my Tia Mary Ellen went home to meet her maker. She's in a better place. However, I and all of my other family are grieving at the moment. So I can only ask for you prayer.
Thank You

I am home...But is this home??

I am home and have been now for four days. But somehow being here doesn't feel right. This is re-entry and one of the most difficult aspects of missionary work. My heart immediately felt for the families in my church who deal with this constantly. Where do I begin??? To start with my trip and end with where I am now would seem logical. However, I see things in a much different light now that I am home and would have a hard time going back to my "eyes" previous to Ireland 09. So I start with my flight and the main aspect of my re-entry. I returned home on Monday night and was really tired/nervous. For me to be nervous about anything other than a show is really not normal. I was coming home for heavens sake not going there. We got off the plane and David Hoffman asks me if our parents would be right there when we got off the escalator. I realized he was right and than my stomach went into knots. The escalator was cheap and was half the length of a normal one. Most defiantly not enough time to think out how I was gonna react to this. My parents and a number of other people were there. I really don't remember saying much to my parents other than "Where is the toilet??". We got out of the airport and home pretty fast but than came the hardest part. Walking into my house, seeing my brothers and sisters that I haven't seen in two weeks. Questions flew through my mind faster than I could try and answer them. Why was this all so foreign to me?? I walked in the house and got a lovely welcome from the kids. I walked into my room to set my stuff down and an emotion I have never felt before overcame me. I cried because for the first time in my life being home didn't feel right. Wednesday night was my first day back to church, and that I must say was very awesome :). BTW thanks to everyone for the warm welcome. It was really difficult walking through the doors of my own church. The place I have called "home" for sixteen years. For the first time in my life once again it didn't feel right to be there. Sure there were the times in the past few months that I didn't want to be there because of the memories but never did it not feel right. It felt good but in some ways it feels frivolous to be here when kids halfway across the world that I just left days ago are hurting to be loved. Well I completely understand that this may not all make sense to you, this week has been a work in progress for me as I sort out all of my feelings. I am in a different world now as I home and it's been weird. What have I learned from all of this?? Two things!! 1: No matter where we are in this world, it is not are home. We should never feel relaxed and comfortable to forget that we ARE foreigners. The unfamiliarity of my so called "home" and the awkwardness is something that should be felt by ALL Christians. 2: It showed me that God did a work not only in my life but the life's of the 150 kids+ that we worked with in Ireland. It reminds me that to pray constantly for them and to continue in the love for others that they caused me to have.
Thanks for joyously walking this beautiful experience with me.
More to come later :)
Love Ayana

Zech, Bree, Charee, and I at an Irish Castle :)

Anyone lik the new layout? :-)

beautiful

that explains this trip. cant wait to come home thou

Farewell

This is my farewell. I really don't know what to say other than goodbye. I guess if u want a more detailed goodbye you may read our Ireland blog ccireland09.blogspot.com. Thanks for all your love, support, and guidance through this journey!! Please stay in touch with us through the Ireland blog. Love You all a bazillion.
BTW- I am so excited right now I am kinda speechless
Ireland Youth Outreach 09
"Taste and see that the LORD is good!!"

PTL

my test results came back normal, thank you Jesus!!!

prayer request

Hey Guys, Please pray for God to open the doctors eyes so they can figure out what's wrong with me. I had blood work done today cause I have lost more weight than normal and I haven't even been exercising.
Thanks Guys
Love Ayana

Ireland Update 4

Hehe, blogging about this still gives me that funny feeling inside!! I guess I am still in shock though I am not sure that this "shock" is ever going to go away. I may be coming home before reality sets in or better yet maybe a few weeks after it will hit me that I just went to Ireland. Oh man, now I can see that happening..... ;). Anyways, we are leaving in a few days and we are totally excited. We have one last meeting this Thursday night and than Friday-Saturday purity conference. It's unbelievable for most of us to be here. We are totally honored that God has chosen us. There's not much to catch up on, I mean we are just totally excited out of our minds kinda thing ;). God is going to do GREAT things.
Updated Prayer Request:
For FEAR!!! Many of us are being fed the lies of the enemy and need Jesus to conquer those.
For our health these next few days before we leave
For the group of people from CCKH (for their health, safety, and guidance)
For Unity
For us to completely loose ourselves and dedicated to God.
More to come before I leave.
Love You All DEARLY!!!
Love Ayana <3>

Ireland Update 3

Going to spend the next week with the family and friends before I head out. It's veryyyy exciting because I don't get a lot of time with them and than I will be gone for two weeks and who knows I may stay there permanently ;). JK!!! But seriously I am excited for a week with them all. I'm not sure it's going to be relaxing but...... (who am I fooling?? It's going to be chaos getting everything done.... but that's okay this is all for God. Meaning I gotta totally sacrifice everything and anything. That has been weird and kinda a new concept. Especially having to give my fears to God and trusting in him. Like every little detail about the trip, its crazy and rough. Here's our schedule for here on out :).
July 19th- Meeting and fundraiser. (we pack up all our supplies this day)
July 24-25th- Our last fundraiser (purity conference)
July 28th- Luggage check in at church
July 29th- We leave for the airport at 3:45 am
Keep us in your prayers. More info on that to come after tomorrows meeting.

"We are the generation that has everything 2 live with, but nothing 2 live for." Jesus anyone?

VBS 09!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me and my worship shirt (yea I'm proud)

Me and the Micah

Me and my lil man :)

Me and tay eating........ did we do anything else???

Feeding the kids lunch :) i mean the red group lunch that was only 100 out of the 650 people we fed

Leading worship with the kids ( my passion and delight)

Hanging out with Christa at church

TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!;)

Me and tay eating in our lunchroom aka the Solid Rock Cafe Closet

My numberrrr hahaha

Display in the gym :)

Expo markers rock my world and my girlies too :)

The parting of the red sea!!