As time has moved on, my aunt has gotten way worse. Everyday is a struggle to keep going. About a week ago she shared that her reason for hanging on was because her grand kids aren't saved yet. That tore me apart to think she was waiting to see that. It would seem fitting that at this point I would be a mess, but I am pretty stable. I am so sad to think of it ending this way. I mean she's so young and to lay there in bed dying because of Sarcoma?? It just seems wrong!!! I haven't talked about this with people much because well no one really gets it. No one close to me has dealt with people dying of cancer. Except those who shared in Donna's passing with me. But I can't talk to them about this yet, still to raw. But nobody my age gets exactly what I am dealing with. Truthfully (for those who keep asking) I am mourning Donna's passing because I lost a friend! Donna didn't loose anything and therefore I don't mourn for her. I mourn for those including myself who have to live life without her. The bible says that God will turn our mourning into rejoicing and thankfully I have seen that day! On the other hand I still have my moments. But overall I am a much joyful person knowing shes with my Jesus. All this leads me to say that I am fully prepared for whatever God brings with my Aunt. I am not saying it will be easy and I am not saying I won't mourn. I am simply stating that I know how to handle it this time and I have God on my side! I don't see it as fair game that God would take my Aunt at this time. I also never thought it was fair that he took Donna so early, but God spoke to me through my mourning and showed me the reason why. It wasn't fair that he took her but he had a plan. I guess I write this to say that I am ready for Gods will but at the same time I need your prayers and support at this time. I thank you all for everything you have done and I pray that even though you don't understand my pain that you would simply encourage me right now. I need Gods love through his people at this time.
I Love You All Very Much
Ayana <3
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Ayana,
I'm so sorry you have to endure such pain, but you really are such a beautiful and enduring person. My prayer for you is that God would use this experience to shape you and mold you into what He desires, and that this would connect and bring you to more wonderful people.
I can sort of relate to you... one of my friend's husband died of cancer. (he was my friend, too :)). It's hard to talk about, but I know the pain of suddenly hearing the news of someone so young and full of life passing away. Thankfully, he was saved. Even through he cancer, he was still so faithful to God. He got to the point to where he could hardly speak or walk, the cancer was so bad, and I couldn't talk to him without tearing up. But STILL, he would always say that he was so blessed! And that God was taking care of him! While in the midst of cancer! I know that God used that experience to show me that in Him, I can overcome ANYTHING I'm going through... because everything I go through that is "hard" isn't half as bad as cancer, and he was one of the happiest people I ever knew.
I'm sure you are going through SO much more pain, because you seemed to have been VERY VERY close to your friend that passed away. And I can imagine the struggle you are going through now, with your aunt. I'll pray for you!!! and hope that God will bring you closer to Him through this!!
Sorry this is so long... but I just wanted to say that if you ever need me, I'm here for you :). I know I probably can't do much, but I'm always willing to talk, listen, or give you a hug.
Love you Ayana.
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